Surprise...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Back in '86 Kathy and I had been dating for months.

I got it in my head that we should go on a vacation together. Now I hadn't been on a lot of vacations in my life...it was work, work, work!

One memorable trip from my childhood involved my family driving to Florida when I was 5. 

A big part of what I remembered was stopping at Rock City/Lookout Mountain in Georgia. I had also wanted to see Mammoth Caves in Kentucky.

So I asked her if she'd like to take about a 7-10 day trip down south with me? She said she'd never been and would love to!

So a date was set, put in for the time off...and off we went! We didn't stay more than a day anywhere...seeing one attraction, driving to the next getting a hotel room near our next stop, and repeat.

In retrospect, we tried to do too much. We should have just picked a destination, driven there and enjoyed!

But we were both new to this vacationing as grownups thing, so what did we know?

We saw Nashville, and some of the museums there. Chattanooga, Mammoth Caves, Rock City, Lookout Mountain, the Blue Ridge Mountains...you name it!!!

One of the ways that we saved money was we took a big cooler and put it in the back seat of Kathy's Sunbird, and kept it full of ice, Pepsi, cold cuts, cheese, fruits anything that traveled easy. So during the day we snacked out of our cooler, at night we went out for dinner.

By the end of our trip, we were about out of cash so we made one last trip to the store to grab some stuff for the 14 hr. drive home. Including a favorite of both of ours, good old Ding Dongs!!! Now depending where you live in the country you may know them as King Dons, Big Wheels or Ding Dongs.

Anyway who didn't love those foil wrapped, cream filled, chocolate covered, chocolate cakes?!?

And COLD??? Get out!!!

So we stocked up, fueled up and headed home.
Being Sept.,it was WARM...even in the car with the air on. We left around 5 in the afternoon, planning to drive all night to get home and have a day off before going back to work.

I did all the driving...as I drove for a living, I didn't mind. Kathy tried to stay awake, but about 1:30-2am she nodded off.

I was driving along, jamming to a Billy Joel cassette when I thought "I'll grab a pop" reaching back into the cooler, the first thing my hand hit was a Ding Dong.
"Oooh, cold Ding Dong! I'll grab one of those too!"

So I opened my Pepsi took a big sip...ahhh refreshing.

I unwrapped the foil from my Ding Dong....man I couldn't wait. I took a big bite and....OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL?!? When I broke through the chocolate shell, my mouth was filled with ice cold chocolate mud!!! The chocolate shell did not cover the cake 100%, and the foil was not waterproof so when the ice melted to water, the Ding Dong absorbed it turning the cake to ice cold goo, while making the cream filling rock hard!!!

Folks, I've got a strong stomach...but the sudden and unexpected splash of goo into my mouth....I almost lost it!!! Gagging I rolled down the window and chucked the nasty thing out.

Around about 3:30 Kathy woke up, asked what state we were in, and turned to grab herself a Pepsi. As she settled back in her seat I noticed she had grabbed a Ding Dong as well....

"You get a Ding Dong?" I asked
"Yeah, they're good and cold!!!" She said "You want one?"
"Naw, I had one earlier..."

Yes, I should have warned her...I know it...but there was a chance the one she grabbed had not been sitting in water like mine. HEY, it' possible!!!

She unwrapped half the foil...being a dainty girl, and took a big bite!

Her eyes widened to the size of saucers, a look of horror covered her face, and the gagging began.

I of course found this just hilariously funny, and was laughing my ass off as she spit what was in her mouth back into the foil and pitched the whole thing out the window...geez I had at least swallowed mine!

"Why...UGH...didn't you...UGH...warn me???"

In between laughs I tried to answer...
"Haha...Surprise...bwahaha...!"

"God...UGH...you're such...UGH...an asshole!"

To this day, all I have to say is "Cold Ding Dong!" and she'll gag again!

Hope your surprises are better than that one!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear