No, Not THAT...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Howdy Folks!

Everyone who's ever been in a relationship knows the dread that accompanies this phrase:

"We need to talk..."

But when you're married, the phrase that strikes fear and dread into the heart of husband's everywhere is this:

"You know, I've been thinking..."

Whenever I hear those words I know it's going to cost me...

It's either going to cost me:

Time

Money

Effort

Or all three!

Because the words that follow "You know, I've been thinking..." are never:

• "you need to go hunting/fishing more."
• "you should buy a new gun."
• "I think our next car should be a sports car!"
• "I don't give you near enough oral sex!"

No, the words that follow are always more like:

• "I'm tired of these drapes, we should get new ones!" Are you kidding me? The only thing guys hate more than shopping for draperies is...well ok, there is NOTHING guys hate more than shopping for drapes! (Time/money/effort)
• "We should change around the furniture in the living/family room!" Ladies, guys never walk into a room...look around and say "I love this room, now how can I change it!" (Time/effort)
• "We should put bushes in, along/in front of _______" Note the Royal "we", which translates to "you" in most of these scenarios! Because other that picking them out, you know who's digging them holes and planting them! (Time/money/EFFORT)
• "You need to ________"
• "You should ________"
• "When are you going to ________"

It does seem you ladies spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about how best we can spend ours!

Am I complaining? Not at all...

I fully realize I am lazy by nature, and often need a fire lit under my ass to get me to do things...that and I procrastinate.

Just every once in a while....we'd like that phrase to end differently!

Any of the above suggestions would be great!   ;-)

Lol!

Hope this brought a chuckle!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

Wow...you won't believe this...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

WOW!!!

To paraphrase Sally Fields, 

"You like me, you really like me!!!" 

Or maybe you REALLY don't, but either way you ARE reading me....

1000+ visits in 17 days!!!

When I started this I really didn't think anyone would care...

My friend and blogging Diva, Magical Mystical MiMi encouraged me, schooled me and has supported me above and beyond!!! Thank you, MiMi!!!

1000 views might not seem like much. But hey, it's a big deal to me!!!

So I'll tell you a little bonus story, not really about my wife but...well you'll see! 

We'd been married almost 20 yrs., and as everyone that's been in a long-term relationship will tell you...at that point certain things that mattered a lot when dating don't seem that important anymore. They can even be quite amusing. Like gas...

Things that would mortify you on a date may start a giggle fest. Like the unexpected sneeze/fart!

Kathy and I had been doing Weight Watchers for quite some time, and were doing very well! One of the major changes we'd made was the inclusion of more fresh fruits and vegetables. A byproduct of this change was a prodigious production of methane! 

We needed to go to the store for something, I don't recall what but in necessitated a trip to Kmart. I was less than interested and told Kathy I was going to go and look at the DVD's, she said she'd meet me there...

So there I stand, alone in the DVD aisle perusing the titles intently when Kathy walks up right next to me.
That sauteed broccoli with garlic and onions we'd had with dinner was talking to me...and like "Old Faithful" it was just a matter of time!

So trying to be humorous I took half a sidestep next to her, picked up the leg closest to her bent slightly at the waist, cocking my ass in her direction...and let rip!
And RIP it did, thankfully we were the only two in the aisle.
"What do you think of that???" I asked as I turned to...
A COMPLETE STRANGER!!!

OMG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?

The look on this poor woman's face was...well, imagine a combination of horror, revulsion, and distress!
"Oh my God, I'm sooooooo sorry!!!" I stammered
"I thought you were my wife...."
She kind of nodded, hand to her nose and mumbled an "S'OK"
I apologized again and beat feet outta there as fast as my shoes would carry me, to find Kathy.
When I did I told her "Don't ever do that to me again..."
"What?" She asked puzzled
"Let me fart on a complete stranger...come on, we're getting out of here before she calls security!"
"Wait, you farted on somebody?!?!"
"Yeah, I thought it was you..."
"Serves you right!" she said and started to laugh
"It's not funny.." I said "now come on before they throw us out of here!" 
"Just fart on them too..." She said between tears of laughter. I almost had to drag her out as she could hardly walk for laughing so hard.

We instead headed to Meijer, where we got what we needed and I minded my manners...amid sudden and unexpected bursts of laughter...
*heavy sigh*
Well, I had it coming!!!

Be Well Folks!

A very humiliated,
Beastly Bear