Yucky day...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Oy! It just feels like it's going to be one of those days!

You know the one.

It starts with you having one of those great dreams.

You know, the one where everything is great, and you have not a care in the world! Only to wake up to reality, and your brain starts ticking off all the minutiae of our lives. Car payments due, did I pay the electric bill? Crap, I have too much to do and too little time...well at least it's Saturday...DOUBLE CRAP!!! IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY!!! AAARRRGGHH!!!

So I've already put myself in a funk before my feet even hit the floor! It's a grey blustery winter day, wind chill of -9°F (that's -23°C) with snow showers to start an hour before I leave for work! Predicted to last till 11pm, just about when I get out of work! Yay me, two way crappy commute!!!

Ok, let's shake it off!!!

Let's try another amusing Tasha story.

As I've said Tasha suffered separation anxiety. As a young adult, little over a year old she developed a bad habit.

Every time we'd leave, Tasha would chew up the toilet paper! Now when I say "chewed up", I mean dime sized pieces...tube and all!

We tried several different remedies to this, bitter apple spray, powdered alum, even hot pepper oil in an effort to get her to stop. Nothing worked!

Finally we hit upon a system.

Before we would leave, Kathy would let Tasha out and I would run back to the bathroom to remove the TP from the holder and put it under the sink. Which happened to be where we kept the spares.

When we came home, I would let her out and Kathy would replace it.

For months this worked perfectly!!!

We had out smarted genius dog, yay us!!!

Then it happened...

One day, I wasn't quick enough...

I turned from putting the roll under the sink to see Tasha standing in the doorway, head cocked and I swear to God she was smiling with a look that said

"Oh THAT'S where you've been putting that!!!"

I said "Get on outta here!!!" 

She turned and ran out to the living room to see us off.

As we left I told Kathy what had happened...

"You think she'll figure it out?" 

"I don't know," I said "depends on how long she was standing there."

We had our answer when we got home.

Where previously she destroyed the roll right there in the bathroom so it was at least contained, we opened the door to a snow covered house!

Well that's what it looked like anyway...there were dime sized bits of TP from one end of the house to the other!!! Not only did she destroy the roll that had been on the holder, but the other 5 double rolls stored under there! She'd luxuriated in her destruction, having been denied for so long! She must have tossed and savaged them like a cat with a ball of yarn. It was on the couch, the chairs, even on top of the television...bits on the kitchen counter, I mean EVERYWHERE!

She came bounding towards us when we opened the door, happy as could be...suddenly skidded to a stop, looked around her, hung her head and slowly walked the rest of the way.

It was hard to be mad at her, after all it was essentially my fault! And she'd obviously had one hell of a time!

So until she grew out of it we found a new place to store the TP, one where without opposable thumbs and the ability to stack things she was never able to get to!

*sigh* 

Still miss her everyday!

Her ashes rest on our mantle, in a place of honor!
I'd guess by the picture you'll be able to figure out why she's been on my mind!

Yeah, that didn't work so well....   :'( 

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

Intruder Alert....Intruder alert!

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Back in the early days of our marriage, before Princess Bear came along, our "baby" was our Australian Shepherd, Tasha.

As I have casually mentioned in previous posts that Tasha was perhaps the smartest dog I've ever seen. She seemed to almost understand English, and had a vast "vocabulary".

For instance, if you had four of her toys and had her "sit and stay" at your feet then threw each toy in a different direction. When asked she would bring you a specific toy, knowing and remembering what her "Froggie" was and in what direction you threw it! She would then repeat, bringing you only what you asked for until you had them all!

When we gave her a bath as a puppy, she quickly learned that the spout in the tub produced water.

From then on, at bedtime each night she would hop into the tub, lick the spout and look at me expectantly.

As if to say "You know what I want...come on!"

Tasha had bonded with me, a little more than my wife and when I would go out of town overnight for work she would "act out" and drive my wife nuts! Though she did drive Kathy nuts, I never had a worry for Kathy's safety as Tasha was fiercely protective of her.

As she would later be of our daughter.

One night while I was in Chicago for work, our friend and neighbor across the street, Debbie suggested she and Kathy go and grab dinner out.

Upon their return, they parted ways in the driveway.

As Kathy walked into the house, the first thing she noticed was "No Tasha"! This was unusual as Tasha always met us at the door.…first red flag!

Worried, she called for her...nothing! Second red flag!

So she went to look for her.

As she started walking down the hall, she heard something...water running....bathtub water running!

Then she noticed the bathroom door was closed, and the light was on!!! THIRD RED FLAG!!!

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE WAS IN THE HOUSE, AND THEY WERE RUNNING A BATH!!!

Out of the house she ran, across the street to Debbie's to tell her we had an intruder!!!

Now, did these two young women call the police?!?

Nooooooo, they decide to go and investigate themselves!

Arming themselves with an aluminum baseball bat kept by the door, they crept down the hallway, ready to fight or run as the situation demanded. As they reached the bathroom door, they heard water splashing as well as the running water. Whoever it was, WAS IN THE TUB!!!

Readying themselves for battle, they raised the bat and threw open the door!

And stood in stunned disbelief, there was no intruder!

Instead what they saw was this:

The tub, filled to overflowing had actually spilled over and there were 2" of standing water on the floor.

Tasha, completely soaked...was having the time of her life jumping in and out of the tub like she had invented the greatest game EVER!!!

The danger over, the girls laughed with relief and attempted to figure out what was going on.

As she turned off the water, she noticed there were teeth marks on the taps, BOTH taps!!! She must have got warm water first, then turned on the other tap as well. When she had jumped into the tub, there had been a towel draped over the edge which she must have knocked accidently into the tub, which acted to plug the drain enough for the tub to fill. Kathy then remembered she'd used the bathroom and checked her makeup before leaving and must have left the light on.

How the door got closed...still a mystery, and the only one that knew wasn't talking!

For the 16 years we had her in our lives, there was rarely a dull moment...many stories to share!!!

With the extreme cold we are experiencing this week, just a reminder to please bring your pets in, and watch them when you let them out!

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

Express? Really???

Den of the Beastly Bear

Howdy Folks!

Today's rant is for the ladies.

Yes, that's me lurking behind you in the express line at the supermarket. I'm the guy standing there with a $5 bill, and 1-2 items in his hand that he discovered at the last minute he needed for dinner.

Which one are you...standing there in the "15 items or less line" before me?

Are you the woman with half a shopping cart, counting your 10 cans of cat food, 2 packs of diapers, and 12 "Lean Cuisine's" as 1 item each along with your other 12 items?!?
Then, "Oh wait, did I give you my Kroger card?!?"

Or the woman with the coupons! For every...single...item. Then arguing over whether you're due double or triple value. And "Hey, Walmart has this for 20¢ cheaper EVERYDAY...you price match, right?"

Or perhaps you are the woman with the cup of yogurt, pint of milk, and a banana that waits until AFTER the cashier tells you "That'll be $2.75" 
To START digging into that "suitcase" of a purse for your checkbook. To write a check....for $2.75!!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me???

And then...THEN you remember you also need cigarettes!
"I'm sorry, can I start over?" rrrriiiiiippppp!

Why is consideration for others so unusual these days?

When I'm in line with a cartload, and you get in line behind me with your few items do I not always allow you ahead of me? That is courtesy, that is consideration.

So yes that's me behind you, rolling my eyes and giving the heavy sighs.
No, it is NOT because I am impatient.
Rather, it is at your complete and utter lack of common sense, courtesy, and consideration.

Here are some thoughts: 

• Whilst standing in line get organized, you are performing a task. 
• Remind yourself to ask for cigarettes FIRST 
• Get your checkbook out(better yet get a debit card)
• Start filling that check out! Guess what? You're in line, the store name isn't going to change! Your name, unless you're in the witness protection program SHOULD be easy enough to remember, sign it!
• Get your damn store card out!
• If you don't have a store card, get out your drivers license/ID...they WILL be asking for it!

I offer these as helpful alternatives to:

• Picking lint off your coat/clothes
• Checking the state of your nail polish
• Checking your hair for split ends
• Applying/checking your makeup
• Reading the National Enquirers (pssst! It's all fake!)
• Checking your texts/tweets/emails/Instagrams put the damn phone down!

For those of you this does not apply to...
Thank You!

Really, I'm not that beastly until people make me that way!

To lighten things up, this does remind me of a joke:

A drunk gets in line behind a young woman at the grocery store.
As he stands there swaying in line, he watches her unload her cart: a quart of milk, a loaf of bread, small can of tuna, 2 onions, 3 bananas, 2 apples and a tub of yogurt.
The young woman notices him looking when he says
"I'll bet you're single aren't you?"
"Wow," she said, "you can tell that just by what I'm buying?"
"Naw," slurred the drunk "you're fuckin ugly!!!"

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

Challenge...failed!

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Today my twisted mind has turned to an odd topic,
the hearing impaired...or not.

Let me preface this post by saying I have known several hearing impaired individuals in my life, and fully respect the challenges they face.

When I was in High School, I was what they referred to as a "Drama Geek". I could have played football, but Drama had girls!!! 
I like girls!!!
Turned out I had a little talent. Actually even won some awards and competitions.

Anyway, my fellow Drama club members and I would often hang out at our local Mall, and propose challenges to each other as a way of expanding our "craft" (yes we were that pretentious, as only teenagers can be). Let me be perfectly clear here, we were NOT mocking anyone. 

The idea was: how believeable could you be. 
If someone didn't believe you, you failed.
A challenge might be:
Make a purchase pretending you don't speak English.
Shop with your "special needs" sibling.
Pretend to be a couple with someone you weren't dating.
Order a meal at McDonalds posing as a hearing impaired individual. Etc....
I've always been a good mimic and easily pulled these off.
 So I know a thing or two about "faking it".

During this time I worked at a sporting goods store near the mall. We had a fellow that would come in every now and then in a battered army jacket, looking just slightly down on his luck. He would come in and walk up to our customers, and those of us that worked there and hand out little "I am Deaf" cards. The cards were created with the American Sign Language alphabet on them, and asked for a small donation. I was suspicious almost immediately, as he never made a sound. The people I've know that are hearing impaired are never completely silent...they always make some noise, inadvertant or not. But not wanting to be a jerk I would take a card and hand him a dollar, eveytime he came in...I mean what if I'm wrong?
One day he was in, going about his regular routine.
One of the other employees was using to pushmop sweeping the floor. He went to sweep around a display, and the mop head caught and he dropped the handle. As happenstance would have it, I was looking right at our Deaf friend when this happened. He flinched and turned his head to the noise!!! As he turned back our eyes locked and he knew I knew...he dropped his eyes, nodded twice and walked out. Never to be seen again.

A couple years ago, Kathy and I were on our way back from our local $100 store (our name for Sam's Club). It was that perfect time of year, warm enough to have the windows down but not hot enough for the A/C.
We pulled up at a stoplight, and a convertible pulled up on my wife's side of the car...I could here music playing.
Kathy leaned over and "stage whispered" (why, I don't know) "I think the guy in the car next to us is Deaf!"
"Why's that?" I asked
"Well," she whispered "he's signing along with the song on the radio."
"Huh. Let me ask you something...if he's Deaf, why are you whispering, and how does he know what the words are???"
She just stared at me for a second.
"Oh my God...I can't believe I just said that..."
I've not let her forget this....I'm a b-a-d husband...
He he he

Be well!

Beastly Bear

Wow...you won't believe this...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

WOW!!!

To paraphrase Sally Fields, 

"You like me, you really like me!!!" 

Or maybe you REALLY don't, but either way you ARE reading me....

1000+ visits in 17 days!!!

When I started this I really didn't think anyone would care...

My friend and blogging Diva, Magical Mystical MiMi encouraged me, schooled me and has supported me above and beyond!!! Thank you, MiMi!!!

1000 views might not seem like much. But hey, it's a big deal to me!!!

So I'll tell you a little bonus story, not really about my wife but...well you'll see! 

We'd been married almost 20 yrs., and as everyone that's been in a long-term relationship will tell you...at that point certain things that mattered a lot when dating don't seem that important anymore. They can even be quite amusing. Like gas...

Things that would mortify you on a date may start a giggle fest. Like the unexpected sneeze/fart!

Kathy and I had been doing Weight Watchers for quite some time, and were doing very well! One of the major changes we'd made was the inclusion of more fresh fruits and vegetables. A byproduct of this change was a prodigious production of methane! 

We needed to go to the store for something, I don't recall what but in necessitated a trip to Kmart. I was less than interested and told Kathy I was going to go and look at the DVD's, she said she'd meet me there...

So there I stand, alone in the DVD aisle perusing the titles intently when Kathy walks up right next to me.
That sauteed broccoli with garlic and onions we'd had with dinner was talking to me...and like "Old Faithful" it was just a matter of time!

So trying to be humorous I took half a sidestep next to her, picked up the leg closest to her bent slightly at the waist, cocking my ass in her direction...and let rip!
And RIP it did, thankfully we were the only two in the aisle.
"What do you think of that???" I asked as I turned to...
A COMPLETE STRANGER!!!

OMG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?

The look on this poor woman's face was...well, imagine a combination of horror, revulsion, and distress!
"Oh my God, I'm sooooooo sorry!!!" I stammered
"I thought you were my wife...."
She kind of nodded, hand to her nose and mumbled an "S'OK"
I apologized again and beat feet outta there as fast as my shoes would carry me, to find Kathy.
When I did I told her "Don't ever do that to me again..."
"What?" She asked puzzled
"Let me fart on a complete stranger...come on, we're getting out of here before she calls security!"
"Wait, you farted on somebody?!?!"
"Yeah, I thought it was you..."
"Serves you right!" she said and started to laugh
"It's not funny.." I said "now come on before they throw us out of here!" 
"Just fart on them too..." She said between tears of laughter. I almost had to drag her out as she could hardly walk for laughing so hard.

We instead headed to Meijer, where we got what we needed and I minded my manners...amid sudden and unexpected bursts of laughter...
*heavy sigh*
Well, I had it coming!!!

Be Well Folks!

A very humiliated,
Beastly Bear

My long suffering spouse...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi folks!
Today I thought I'd introduce you all to my lovely wife, Mama Bear.

Ain't she Purty?!?

I say long suffering because she really has had to put up with my twisted sense of humor, TV/Commercial rants, and my off color comments/sexual innuendos for many, many years now!

She really can't take me anywhere...

For example:

We got an invitation to a house warming for a home my wife's company had built(she worked for a builder). This was a very nice, very EXPENSIVE home...elevator included!

The owners had bid on a wine and cheese tasting party as part of the local PBS station fund raising drive, and won.

They coordinated the party for the day of the housewarming.

They graciously invited not only their friends and family, the builders, and all the sub-contractors that worked on the home!

As we rolled up to the home, we parked my Dodge truck well past the Mercedes, Audi's, and BMW's down by the other trucks owned by the contractors. So it was quite a walk up to the house.

As we walked up the walk to the front door we saw my wife's boss Bob coming towards us walking with a man we didn't know.

Now my wife's boss is a SUPER guy!!! He treated my wife and I like family, and to this day his daughter is one of my wife's closest friends. 

As he walked up, he greeted us and said

"Kathy, I'd like you to meet Dave ______. He and I go way back...

Dave, this is my Office Manager Kathy...I truly don't know what I'd do without her! This is her husband, Joe."

Dave stepped forward, we shook hands, he stepped back and gave my wife a thoughtful look.

"By God you look familiar, but I can't for the life of me put my finger on from where!"

I said "Oh, you must subscribe to Penthouse..."

To Dave's credit he barely skipped a beat.

"Um...ah...no, that's not it...Hmmm, I'll have to think about it"

Bob chuckled, my wife cracked me on the arm with a "stop it".

WTH? You'd think she'd be flattered by my suggesting she could pose for a Gentleman's magazine...sadly that was NOT the case! :-)

Then there was the time we were refinancing our home.

In the mortgage company's office signing our lives away...

Our loan officer passed the papers to my wife and said

"You must also list your Maiden name, as well as any other names you may have gone by."

As she started writing I said "Honey, you don't have to put down your stripper name...cause "Cinnamon" was not your "legal" name, right?"

This last was addressed to the loan officer, (a younger fella in his mid thirties) whose mouth fell open as he furiously blushed from the top of his salon hair do to the tips of his Brookes Brothers wingtips.

"Um...ah...yes, um that's correct sir...that would not be necessary!"

This time she just said "Well then, I just won't put that down.."

We've been out with other couples, I'm just being myself and cracking jokes...being a smart ass and making inappropriate comments. We are having a great time, laughing our asses off...

When the woman of the other couple will say something to the effect of "Oh my God...he's so funny, I bet he makes you laugh everyday!!!"

To which my wife usually says "Try living with him!"

I think this happens a lot.

A friend of mine and I were just discussing the other day how you never seem to see two extremely boisterous, jovial people together.

There is always one "normal" person...and one "me"!!!

So to all you normal folks, I'd like to truly thank you for putting up with the rest of us!!! Where would we be without you?

Love ya Hon!

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear 

                     

Lunarcy

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Yes, I know it's "Lunacy", not "Lunarcy"!!! But after 2 nights of the full moon and the third coming tonight I've had just about enough!

Experts tell us that violent crime escalates during the full moon...

Because people LOSE their damn minds!!!

As I've told you all before, we are going through quite a transition at work, and lot's of changes stress people out! But some of these people are really being "over the top".

So I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, and blame it on the moon!

I am in a somewhat unique position in this whole mess, where most Team Leaders just deal with their own team, my department services approx. 1/4 of my plant( about 1 million sq.ft.). That means that as well as my team of 8's problems, I have 5 supervisors, 10 other T/L's, and 2 Superintendents to keep happy!

I won't bore you with the minutiae of what I deal with daily, but these last couple days really have been something else! And as I walked out of the plant last night, I looked up and thought "Ahhhhh...now it all becomes clear!" Lol

Thankfully everyone is not affected equally...

Like they say:

If in the course of your day you run into a couple of assholes...they're just assholes!

If everyone you run into is an asshole...you're the asshole!

So far I THINK I'm safe...Lol!

Be well folks!

Beastly Bear

Inconvenient timing...

Den of the Beastly Bear

What the hell is the deal with the phone/radio and the crapper?!?

At work:
I have gone for four hours without a single phone call. But let me drop my pants around my ankles....and my personal phone, my business phone, and my radio all go off at once!!! It's like the freakin' Muscular Dystrophy Telethon up in here!

It's like there's some sadistic cosmic switchboard operator(I picture an evil  Lily Tomlin with horns and a pointed tail) intent on ruining the few moments of peace I get each day!!!

It’s not bad enough I spend all day fixing other people's mistakes!!! Running from one end of the plant to the other, and I can't even get a few minutes of peace???

And it's always something that could wait...

At Home: This problem even follows me there. For there, I have two lovely receptionists...one named Mama Bear and one named Princess Bear who answer the phone most of the time, because it's rarely for me!!! 

But let them leave...
Oh, that's when she starts her fun, that sadistic bitch!

Because at home I never carry the phone with me! 
So when the feeling is upon me, the phone is usually in the family room some 20 odd feet away!

Now I know that there are those of you out there that can just let the phone ring and answer it when you're done. But I am a worrier! I worry about my girls, and when the phone rings horrible scenarios start speeding through my mind. What if it's them and they need me? And I don't pick up???

So I jump up, one arm holding my pants to about knee height while I duck hop and waddle to the phone. Knock it over on the floor, reach for it...kick it further away with my waddles, almost fall over as the belt buckle gets stuck under the chair, finally snatch it up and....
1-800-GUTTERS

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

And as I shuffle my dejected way back to the bathroom, I notice I've attracted an audience...the dog and both cats are watching me like I've lost what little's left of my mind!

And I hear Lily Tomlin laughing "One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy... *snort*...HaHaHa!!!" 

Bitch!

Be Well Folks! 

An inconvenienced,
 Beastly Bear

The Spinning Coin

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning folks!

Have you ever met THAT person?
You know the one...that person that just appears to be mean and angry all the time? But then something strange happens...you see them interact with a child, or an animal, or perhaps their family and "Wa LA"!!!
Different person! They are kind, loving, and patient!

Oh, it goes the other way too. You know them as friendly, jovial, fun loving most all the time...
Then, in a different setting/situation they become a true ogre!

I have a theory about this...
That people are like a spinning coin.
With two sides, equal but opposite!
Some are just better at making change!  ;-)

What I mean is this. If you see a quarter size amount of jovial good humor, you can bet there's not "just" a dime's worth of angry ogre, even though that's all you see.
Oh no, there resides a full quarters worth whether you see it or not! There is no escaping the duality of our nature.

Which is why there IS such a saying as "Beware the anger of a gentle man!"

So as we go about our business today, let's keep in mind the spinning coin...and decide which side we'll show the world!

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

Killer Women

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Last week while I was at work dealing with "the stupid twin", Mama Bear recorded a new show on the DVR called "Killer Women". She watched and enjoyed it, thought I would too...yesterday she had me watch it.

The show centers on Molly Parker, the only woman in the notoriously tough Texas Rangers! Molly is played by (GEEK ALERT) Tricia Helfer of Battlestar Galactica fame! She was the incredibly hot, blonde Cylon...Number Six!

Here Tricia flexes her acting chops by playing the incredibly hot female lead! She manages a respectable mild Texas accent, and really wears a cowboy hat well!!!

The show is your average police procedural, where the hero is smarter, more observant, and willing to break more rules than her contemporaries. All while looking like a Victoria's Secret model!

So I watched it with my wife, as she said she had missed a little during phone calls.
So, when it was over she says...
"Well, what did you think?"
I said "I liked it!"
"Did you like the show....or the girl???" Eyebrow arched..
"Um.....Yes!"  :-)
My Momma didn't raise no dummy!!!

If you're interested there are 7 episodes left (it's a limited run series exec. prod. by Sofia Vergara) Tuesday nights at 10pm on ABC.

Oh, and I think there may be a guy actor or two in there as well...if I concentrate I can almost remember them!!! LOL!!!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear