Thursday, September 24, 2015

A Beastly Short Story...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!
We're gonna try something a little different tonight.
I was chatting with Kathy over at The Giggling Truckers Wife Writes. She asked if I'd edit something she wrote, give her my take and make any suggestions that struck me. I was once again deeply honored that she would ask little ole me to do such a thing, as I think SHE is brilliant! She was writing a 100-word short story to a picture prompt. She had already written a great story, but it was too long. She kicked around a couple ideas with me, maybe changing her take. She settled on a rewrite of her initial idea, and it's a good one! You can find it at the link above.

But our discussion was rolling around in my head, and I started writing my own little story for the prompt in my head...and thought "I should write this down.".  I however, did not follow the 100-word restriction as I wasn't doing the challenge.

So, here is my foray into short fiction using the same picture as Kathy. You have her to blame...
Hope you enjoy.


Sunset


As Jane poured the last of the wine into her glass, she stared out at the setting sun and wiped away a tear. She thought it a metaphor for her relationship with Dave, who lay motionless in the bed where they'd just made love. For the very last time.

High School sweethearts, they'd been together through 20 years and two kids, good times. But that was over now, and never would be again. It was the affair.... 
An intern, barely out of college. Wide-eyed and so impressed with him, he thought she didn't know.

So for their anniversary she rented a room by the sea. His favorite wine and they'd make love one last time before she told him she knew. She loved him so much, it was the only way she could let him go.

So when it was over and he lay drowsy and spent, she got up for more wine.
Her purse was right there, and she asked over her shoulder "Were you thinking of her?"
"What are you talking about?" He asked hesitantly.
"I said, were you thinking of her?" She said slowly as she turned and leveled the revolver at his chest.


The windows were open and she could hear them coming, a distant wail over the crash of waves. Everyone's windows were open, a gentle breeze blew in off the ocean so she was sure everyone had heard. She finished her wine, raised the gun to her head and looking out on the last sunset of her life. Joined him in the next.

Well, there you have it...something a little different from your friendly neighborhood Beastly Bear. Please let me know what you think...I am truly interested.

Be Well Folks, 
Beastly Bear


20 comments:

  1. Wow, don't know why it did that, guess that's what I get for copying and pasting out of "Word"!

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  2. I thought she poisoned him before the gun came out. That would have left too many loose ends for a short story.

    Well written. Well done.

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    1. Thank you Joeh! It was fun to play "what if"!
      I thought of poison too with the glass in the picture...but then thought perhaps too obvious. Thanks for stopping in and reading!

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  3. I loved the story. Age old til death do us part. The gun was a nice twist.
    I honk you could have changed your opening slightly from describing the picture we see...ex: "A tear slid down her cheek onto her empty wine glass. The sunset held her gaze."
    Basically the same idea without literally describing the photo. JMO

    I enjoy seeing your imagination. And I fear it at the same time! πŸ˜€

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    1. I love it! Just trying to help hone your amazing skill a bit! You know I adore your writing. Always.

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    2. I just found your last sentence funny, you enjoy seeing my imagination yet fear it! LOL
      Just wasn't sure how I should take that...hahaha!

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  4. Excellent Joe!!! You need to enter these challenges yourself my online hubs! As always, you leave me wanting more... ;)

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    1. Ugh! Challenges seem too much like homework! Lol
      Plus, I hate rules!!! I'm just a rebel without a clue... ;-)

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    2. Wait...he always leaves you wanting more?

      πŸ˜œπŸ˜€πŸ˜˜

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    3. In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
      With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
      In the midnight hour babe- "more, more, more"
      With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"
      More, more, more.

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    4. Ugh! Challenges seem too much like homework! Lol
      Plus, I hate rules!!! I'm just a rebel without a clue... ;-)

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  5. Great story but geeeeez that was dark. lol On the other hand, sounds like something I would do. Cheating is unacceptable.

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    1. Well, the picture did lend itself to a little darker mood...I think a field of daisies might have inspired a different story! Lol

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  6. Great story. You were meant to write fiction!

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    1. I'm so glad you liked it Kathy! After our chat it just wouldn't go away...had to do something with it! Lol

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  7. Replies
    1. Thank you Tracie, and Welcome! Come in and take a look around...glad to have you here!!!

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  8. I thought poison too! lol - pretty dark, but good!

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  9. Jennifer, Welcome back!!! Thank you for your kind words...guess it says something that my mind saw dark instead of calm and relaxing. Lol

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