Earmuffs NOT included...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

As a young man (many, MANY years ago) I was decidedly anti-kids!

It wasn't entirely my fault...prone to migraine headaches and over exposure to less than well behaved children had skewed my perception to the negative!

Then I started dating the girl that would become Mama Bear. Not that she had children, but she was very often babysitting her niece Tricia, while Tricia's single mom went to business school.

At first I attempted to be busy on those days....

Until gradually I wanted to see her more than I wanted to avoid the toddler.

Our first outing together, I took Kathy, one of her friends and Tricia to the Cider Mill in Rochester for cider and donuts.

Wonder of wonders, she was a delight!!! Such a happy, well behaved little girl just before her 2nd. birthday.

And I was hooked!

From then on if Kathy was watching Tricia, we just took her with us...everywhere. Oh not to movies, but shopping, dinner, visiting friends and family you name it Tricia was with us!

We even pranked my Dad, who was  living in Oxford with his wife and family, by introducing him to Tricia as Kathy's daughter(she looked SO much like Kathy she was often mistaken as hers). At that time he'd only met Kathy a couple of times, and while he tried to play it cool I could tell he was less than enthused...his relief was palpable when we let him in on the joke.

She was 3 when Kathy and I got married...she was our flower girl.

By this time I was definitely Pro kids...

But on the horizon though was a test that would seriously challenge that stance!

My step sister Kelly had a baby girl of her own...

Kelly is one of the sweetest, most loving souls it has ever been my pleasure to know. While step sister in name, she's my baby sister in my heart!!!

She named her little girl Tiara (Ti-AR-a).

As a new mom, living on her own Kelly and Tiara formed a super strong bond. To make things easier, Kelly wore a baby Bjorn with Tiara in it while she went about her chores all day...Tiara LOVED her mommy!!!

The problem came when anyone tried to babysit Tiara. As soon as Tiara noticed that Kelly was not there, she'd start to scream. Now when I say scream, 

you may assume I mean cry...oh, no no no! I mean fists clenched, face beet red full blown hissy fit SCREAM!!!

To the point my Step Mother actually sent Kelly's older sister Colleen up to drag Kelly out of the movies to come home (pre cell phones) as something HAD to be wrong with the kid. As soon as Kelly walked in, all was right with the world again, smiles and coo's all around.

As a consequence, finding sitters became a real challenge for her. So when she she wanted to go to Cedar Point, overnight....she had a problem!

Enter big brother Joe...Kathy and I volunteered, how bad could it be? Right?

Kelly brought Tiara over, along with all the accouterments that went with a baby. 

While Kelly was there, all was well...

As soon as she left, all HELL broke loose!

I foresaw a career in Opera for Tiara, as this kid had a set of lungs on her!!! How anything THAT tiny, could make so much noise is beyond my comprehension!

I thought eventually she would cry herself out, and exhausted, she would fall asleep...nyet! Didn't happen.

Couldn't feed her, couldn't calm her, she was inconsolable...and PISSED! 

The rage and hatred emanating from this infant only led me to believe the Antichrist MAY in fact be female!!!

After a couple hours of this we decided to try a car ride, so we drove over to Kathy's Mom's house....

Nada!

She continued to rage and scream...screams that promised a horrible death and bodily dismemberment for us if only she were bigger and stronger!!!

At Kathy's Mom's, her mother couldn't take it either...
"Give me that baby!!!" She said "I'll get her calmed down!!"

20 minutes of rocking and cuddling later it was:
"Get this thing away from me!!!"

Aha, not so easy eh Mom?!? Lol.

"What is wrong with that child?!?" She asked.

"Misses her Mommy!!!" I replied.

I gotta give it to the kid, she had endurance!!!

We drove back home when it became apparent that 5 more minutes of listening to this, and Kathy's mom would start cutting herself...

Back home, four hours into this tirade...
I observed that I was beginning to understand why people put babies in microwaves....not really....but you gotta feel me!

I mean, even Tasha the wonder dog had run for cover and surcease!

By this time it was dark out, and I'd had enough!!!

"Give'r here!" I told Kathy, who turned away protectively...looking for all the world like she thought I was about to dash the child's brains out against the nearest door frame.

"Why?!?" She asked guardedly 

"I've got an idea..." I said

Reluctantly she handed me Tiara, and I headed back to the bedroom.

Right on my heels Kathy said:

 "What're you going to do???" A little fear in her voice.
Like I was taking her back to drown her in the toilet.

"Look," I said "the problem is that she can SEE that we're not mom! What if I take her back into the dark bedroom where she CAN'T see who's got her?!?"

"Worth a shot..." She said visibly relieved.

So I went into our bedroom, laid her on the waterbed and closed the door. I knelt beside the bed, cradled her little head in my hand and rubbed her forehead with my thumb while speaking in a low soothing voice.

Results were almost instant. I felt her little body relax,
the tension flowing out of her...screams became cries, which became whimpers...before finally silence.

Under the guise of being helpful....but in reality checking I hadn't smothered her with a pillow, Kathy opened the door and asked:

"You want a bottle?"

As she did, light from the hallway played across my face...revealing me to be, "NOT THE MOMMA!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Close enough to reach, I kicked the door closed...

"Shut the fucking door!!!"
I yelled to be heard over the wail! 

"If she can see me, she's going to start all over again!!! Yes, bring me a bottle, but shut the hall light off before you bring it in!"

Once the door was closed she wound down again, a bottle was procured...and once it was gone, exhausted, she fell asleep. Success!!!!

At least while it was dark...the morning brought a return of the unhappy baby, though somewhat mollified from the night before...

We certainly were happy to see Kelly that night...
and it was with some trepidation she asked:

"So you survived the demon child, eh?!?"

"Yeah, once we discovered that as long as she couldn't see us she wouldn't scream, she was fine..."

"So you'll watch her again???" She asked hopefully.

"Sure, but you better give us a couple weeks to recover!"

A couple months later, we were called upon again. Knowing the secret, things went much smoother this time.

A call from my Dad and step Mom prompted an impromptu visit as they couldn't BELIEVE we actually had her fed and asleep. They BEGGED us for the secret!!! Lol!

I'm reminded of all this because my beautiful niece Tiara, all grown up now...a graduate of the University of Michigan AND the Australian University of Fitness.
Is living in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia with her Policeman boyfriend Nic (a GREAT guy who's visited the States with her a couple of times). Has started her own fitness company "Because I can Fitness", and is happy, healthy and well. 

Today she wrote an IM home to the family, just a touchstone home telling us she's happy, yet misses the family. Right back at ya T!!! Miss you more!





Be well Folks!

Beastly Bear

My New word...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

I saw this online the other day, and it made me think up a new word. Like "Askholes", remember?

My new word???

Corvettiot: A person that suffers under the delusion that having an expensive/sports car allows them to ignore such things as physics and common sense!

Over my 15 years as a truck driver I saw MANY examples of Corvettiots on the road!

The one I find most memorable happened one hot July day on I-75 Northbound near Flint, MI.

We had just experienced a couple days of storms, highlighted by high winds and torrential downpours!

I had a run heading to the middle of the state, and the radio was full of dire warnings of flooding and road closures...

So it was no surprise when I got up near Flint, and traffic started to back up. I-75 dips around Corunna Rd., and sometimes the drains get plugged with debris.

This is usually not a big deal, with maybe a lane or two being covered with water. Traffic backs up as people slow down to ease through the water.

This time was different!

THIS time, due to the shear volume of water we'd had over the last couple days. On this particular day what we had was a 150 ft. lake, that topped out at a little OVER 3ft. deep!!!

The majority of the drivers, recognizing the water was way too deep for an passenger car to get through were either exiting the expressway prior to the slowdown or were backing up the on ramp to avoid it.

There were a couple cars that had tried to brave the depths, their abandoned husks lending warning to all who saw them. 4X4 trucks and taller SUV's were able to surmount the challenge, as long as they went slow.

Semi trucks of course had no problem, so I waited my turn to make the lake crossing.

Ahead of me was a fellow in a bright red 80-82 softnosed Corvette. The day was hot, as I've said and he had his windows down, T-tops off. Now this guy had the same view of the lake before us as I did.

Clearly this was not a body of water a Corvette was meant to cross! The abandoned cars in the water had water over half way up their doors for Gods sake!!!

So I stayed back to give him plenty of room to navigate up the onramp, either to back up it...or he had enough room he could have turned around and drove right up it.

So our hero set there...surveyed the scene, looked left...looked right, put the car in gear and drove right into the lake!!!!

What the HELL was this fool thinking?!?

Did he somehow think that because his cars body was made of fiberglass that he'd just float across?!?

Did he think that somehow his pretty car was magically immune to the forces of nature???

Perhaps his wax job would make his car water repellent?!?

For whatever reason, he drove right in like he had not a care in the world!

I was stupefied!

He actually made it farther than I thought he would, perhaps it was just his momentum caring him forward but he made it all the way to the deepest part before his car gave up and would go no further.

So, there he sat...water up to the window sill of his door, dead center of our little lake.

I had not even entered the water yet, too invested in just watching this fool ruin his car.

So now it was my turn...

I hung to the far side, giving him as wide a berth as possible. I did not "rush"or "speed" through...but an 18 wheeler displaces a LOT of water and not being designed for the water...create quite a wake.

Though I tried my best...ok, truth be told I didn't try THAT hard...

I watched in my mirror as my wake caught up to, and engulfed the Corvette!

The water rolled right up the the back window and poured into the open T-tops...right on top of the Corvettiot!!!

The look on his face as he spit and sputtered, and tried to wipe the water from his face as he realized, FINALLY, what he had done...as there were dozens of Semi's lined up to make the crossing!!!

I wish I could talk to this guy, and find out just what the thought process was that led him to make such a catastrophic blunder!

I mean, I've owned a Corvette of the same body style as this guy. And I'd NEVER have treated my baby so!

This was mine...if you look close you'll see the front license plate was a roaring grizzly. Vanity license plate was "Ursus", Latin for "bear"...go figure! Lol.
When explained, this prompted a blonde friend to say
"I didn't know you were Hispanic!?!"
"Not that kind of Latin, the Latin used to scientifically identify genus and species..."
"Oh...I was gonna say, I thought Hispanics spoke Spanish not Latin." 
"But I'm not.... Never mind." Did I mention she's blonde.

Honestly, the best way to own cars like these are as second vehicles...especially if if live like I do in an area where our two seasons are Winter and Construction!

But if you do have to drive your sports/muscle car year round, your two favorite words ought to be 
"Common Sense"!

Corvettes, Mustangs, Chargers are NOT boats, snowmobiles, or tractors...use with care so no one can ever say:

"Look at that Corvettiot!!!"

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

Being the "New" guy....

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

Ya know how when you start a new job, you spend the first couple of weeks getting the "lay of the land"?

We got a "new" guy in our group this week, and as he struggles to find his place within the group I hope it goes better for him, than one of my new jobs did.

It made me think back to my first big time "real" job, as a delivery driver for Perry Drug Stores.

You know when you join any group you quickly categorize people. There's the "comedian", the "prankster", the "know it all", the "story teller", the "old man", and the "kid"! And in any group of guys that work together there is also the "bad ass"!!!

When I hired into Perry's, I immediately fell into the roll as the "kid". At 20, I was 10-20 years younger than the other 16 drivers that worked there.

I was befriended by a couple guys early on, others were a little harder to win over. I was warned off one guy in particular, the "bad ass"! 

"Stay away from Charlie," I was told "he's strong as a bull, and mean as a snake. He's a wanna be body builder, and we're pretty sure he's using the 'roids! Also, he's got a bad eye so he kinda looks at ya sideways...don't pay that no mind."

"Oooookay..." I said

The first few days I spent most of my time working with the yard driver, shuttling trailers before I went out on my first official run.

Most of our runs were local, around the Detroit area and those started at 7am. That's where they started me, as not yet being 21 I wasn't allowed to run interstate.

So I got to meet most of the drivers that first week, but not Charlie...

By the beginning of second week I was included in the morning ritual of the guys standing around the truck bay swapping stories before we headed out for the day.

On the second day we were standing together, about 6 of us, when another fella joined our group.

He was about 6'2", long and lean 200-210 lbs. by my guess with short blonde unruly hair, clean shaven.

If I hadn't been able to tell by the 45° offset of the way he carried his head, I'd have known this was Charlie by the way the group dynamic changed when he walked up.

I was introduced, and he attempted the "rock crusher" handshake...but I'd played this dominance game before and matched his pressure. 

He seemed a bit put out that I didn't whither under his grip o'steel.

The group quickly broke up and we were off for the day to make our deliveries...

The next day was a near duplicate of the day before, with the exception that when Charlie joined the group he already had his "back up" as they say, and it seemed focused on me.

Joking around, I joined in and made a pithy comment about the topic at hand, to the laughter of all there (even Charlie). When Charlie gave me a one handed shove! Caught completely off guard I took a stumble step sideways, and the laughter stopped.

"Hey man...don't shove me like that, ok?" I said, trying to maintain a light tone.

"Why?" He said, and shoved me again. Ready this time I just rocked.

"Look...I know you didn't mean anything by it, but I don't like that shit." I told him in a more pointed tone. Figuring I needed to shut this crap down right now.

"What if I did? " he said squaring off on me.

The group was mostly silent with a couple "come on Charlie"s thrown in, and a "leave'm be".

This was a pivotal moment here, and I wasn't backing down.

"Well, I'd suggest you not do it again..." I said looking him right in the eye. To raised eyebrows all around.

Ok, I baited him a little bit and I figured I knew what he'd do...my time as a bouncer was not a complete waste.

True to form he went to shove me again, mistake!

I took a step back, causing him to overextend and shift his balance too far forward. I reached out, put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled forward and down. This caused his arms to flail as he came stumbling forward, I stepped in caught his arms up and just that quick I had him in a reverse full nelson.

Bent at the waist, his head shoved against his chest and held there by my stomach, arms twisted up and back there was nothing he could do.

"I think an apology is in order Charlie, I didn't do a thing to you to warrant you being a dick!"

"Fuck you!" He said

"Wrong answer..." I said pulling his arms higher and pushing down between his shoulders, if I did this hard enough I'd dislocate his shoulders.

"Oooow, god dammit! Alright, alright Jesus...I'm sorry ok? Ok?" He managed.

"I let you go...you walk away right? I don't wanna hurt you..." I asked.

"Right, right, just let me go god dammit."

As I turned him loose and he stood up, his face was beet red. As I suddenly remembered we had an audience and looked around me to silent wide eyed stares. I wondered if this went bad if I'd get any help.

He turned on his heel and left...and I could breathe again.

"I ain't never seen no shit like that..."  said black Joe.

Just like that...I was no longer the "kid", and the nicknames started...

Over the next few months Charlie and I became friends, though there were a few bumps in the road...

Like a couple weeks later I was headed North, as was Charlie. Driving can be lonely so I asked a couple guys (the "Dave" brothers, Dave Gawry and Dave Roe) what Charlie's call sign was on the CB radio. 

"Sidewinder," they replied "because of the way he looks at you sideways..."

"Oh, so he's got a little sense of humor. Thanks guys"

I should have know better, I'd just been had by the "pranksters"!

So for a half hour I'm trying to get him on the radio...

"How bout'ya Sidewinder? You got your ears on?"

And...

"Sidewinder, Sidewinder bring'er back..."

And finally...

"Lookin' for that Ole Perry Drug Sidewinder, ya out there good buddy?"

THAT got a response...

"WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO CALL ME THAT?!?!?"

Yikes!!!

I didn't want to give up the pranksters and sic Charlie on them...so I prevaricated a bit.

"Not sure there good buddy, still learning everybody's names, no offense meant...I truly am sorry, what is your call sign there chief?"

"I go by Road Dancer...and none taken...I got a good idea who put you up to that."

So it went... 

Like I said, he really wasn't a bad guy...little hotheaded. When he was looking for a roommate he even asked me... I even took pictures at one of his weddings, strange how friendships can form.

One half of the "Dave" brothers, Dave Gawry actually went on to become one of my best friends...he is the "Dave" of my trip to Atlanta as well as many other assorted adventures!

Hopefully MY "new" guy finds his transition a little easier than that one was...

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

The once and future hero...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Well, it's Thursday...one more day til the weekend!
I don't know about you, but this week's been a drager for me.
Nothing in particular, just feels a day behind...like today aught to be Friday!

Princess Bear and I did get to do a Daddy/Daughter lunch yesterday...at one of our old haunts "Tubby's Submarines" for Mushroom, Steak and cheese subs, thank you very much!!! Delish!

It's always a pleasure, and way to few and far between now that she's all grown up and I must share her with the world....

I miss the days when Daddy got to be her hero.

Gone are the days where she told me everything...as soon as it happened. Like I just found out her brake light has been on for a month or two...

"Katie, why didn't you tell me??? We need to get that looked at right away!!!" Hey, I'm due a little Fatherly panic!!!

"Well the guys at Belle Tire looked at my brakes and said they looked OK, and that it was probably a bad sensor cause it's stopping OK."

"Oh...um...when did you take it into Belle Tire?" I ask, now somewhat mollified.

"When I got my new tires installed..." she answered. "when I get my income tax back I'll have them check and replace the sensor, and give it a thorough going over."

"Why don't you let me pay for that, I don't want you having to use your whole refund for that...OK?" Maybe I can reclaim my hero status...     :-)

Well, it's worth a try...

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

The movie date that wasn't...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

When Princess Bear was born, some 22 years ago now I was delighted to be the father of a daughter!

Some guys try to turn their daughters into Tomboys, not me. Not me! 

I had grown up as the only son, with two sisters so I was well acquainted with "girlie" things and all that entailed.

I spent hours playing dollies, having tea, watching Barney or whatever else my darling daughter wanted.

She in turn wanted to be involved in anything I liked.

One of the shows that I was addicted to back then was "Highlander: The Series" starring Adrian Paul as Duncan MacLeod, an immortal forced to fight others of his kind to survive.

They were good vs evil battles with the winner beheading his opponent to steal their power, thereby growing stronger. Kaitlin loved it! Duncan MacLeod was her first "crush"!

Now before you all lose your minds that I let my young daughter watch this with me, let me just clarify.

There were big sword fights but the actual beheadings were never shown, good always triumphed in the end.

It was the '90s not as much sex and violence on TV.

I'm also a bit of a geek...I admit it! SciFi, superheroes, comic books...love/d them all!!!

When I was a kid, I read the "X-men" comic books. 

So when they did an animated series for "kids", I tested the waters with Katie...and she loved it! Great for Dad, less "Rugrats" and "Rocko's Modern life" something I could enjoy too!

Katie's favorite was Rogue, I was more a Wolverine fan...though he was not one of the originals from my youth.

So in 2000 when the "X-men" movie was released Katie asked "Can we go see it Daddy?"

So a Daddy/Daughter date was planned.

It opened in July, so Katie was out of school and I was working 3rd. shift, so with much anticipation I stayed up so we could hit a matinee!

We went to the local multiplex, my 8 year old daughter and I...

Now the movie was rated PG-13, but I figured "She's been watching X-men with me for a couple years, she's familiar with the characters and the whole story, she'll be fine..."

So we got our soda's and popcorn, found the "ultimate spot of viewing pleasure" in the theater and took our seats.

The movie opens, with a young Rogue and her boyfriend. Rogues power awakens when she kisses her boyfriend and nearly kills him as she saps his strength and life force. Discovering she's a mutant freaks her out, her parents are antimutant, so she runs away from home.

Fast forward a couple months she's in a bar in Northern Canada were Logan AKA Wolverine has entered a "toughman" contest. Logan of course wins the contest, but when it's time to collect his money the guys running the show suspect him of being a mutant.

They refuse to pay, and a fight breaks out. Maybe 15 min. into the movie...

As I look over at Katie to see if she's enjoying this as much as I am, I'm startled to see she's crying!!! 
Little trails of tears from her eyes...

"Katie honey, what's the matter?" I asked.

"Nothing Daddy..."

"Honey is this too scary for you?"

She nodded yes, and the tears started in earnest...ugly cry face and all.

"We don't have to stay, you want to go? It's OK if you do..." I told her.

She nodded again, so I snatched her up and made my apologies to the other patrons as we made our way out of the row we were in and out of the theater.

We sat on a bench out in the lobby while she calmed down, ate a little popcorn...sipped a little pop.

When she was ready, I told her that it was OK to be scared and that she could have just told me...

"But I knew how much you wanted to see it..." She said.

I said "I wanted to see it WITH YOU, if you didn't like it we leave, just that simple! So what do you wanna do?"

"We're not going home?" She asked surprised

"Absolutely not! We're having a Daddy/Daughter day.
The movie was a bust, so what ELSE would you like to do?" I told her.

"Well....I'm kinda hungry..."

"Lunch it is then, pic a place...anywhere you want."

So we ended up at Max and Erma's where I paid 4 prices for chicken strips, but it's where she wanted to go. That, and I felt like crap over the movie...

After lunch we went to a toy store and looked around, we didn't get anything just looked and got birthday ideas.

I wanted to make sure she knew, it was spending time with her...not the movie that was important to me.

In the end it was a success, our day out.

She's home with me today, no work for her and I don't go in til 3...maybe we'll go out for lunch, relive a little Daddy/Daughter day!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

Back behind the shed...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

To any of you that look forward to these, sorry about yesterday!

Through the years, our dear Princess Bear has expressed an interest in having her own pet/s.

Of course as thoughtful parents we set her down, explained the responsibility a pet entails, and what we expected of her.

Never deterred, her first were gold fish.

Which she named Barney and Baby Bop...

An homage to her favorite TV show characters.

And when they eventually went to that big fishbowl in the sky, they got proper burials behind the shed.

When we moved, she wanted me to dig them up and take them with us...I talked her out of this...

Next up she wanted teddy bear hamsters.

And ya gotta get two, because one would be lonely.

Now you'd think this would be a pretty easy thing wouldn't you? I mean when I was a kid it seemed like EVERY store we went to had pets...Kmart, Sears, Montgomery Wards, you name it!

I'm not just talking fish...but mice, gerbils, hamsters, rats. Birds, like finches, canary's, parakeets...even a Mynah bird or two. Even more exotic things like turtles, newts, frogs and chameleons...and baby Caimans!

For those of you too young to know of what I speak.

Caimans are a member of the crocodile family, and yes you used to be able to buy baby ones at Kmart!

You fed them crickets and meal worms and when they got bigger small "feeder" goldfish.

I had one in the late 60s!

So I set out to find my daughter teddy bear hamsters...it took three separate pet shops before I finally found some.

Each and every store said "Oh, you don't want those for your daughter...they are mean, you should get her a rat! Rats are much more personable..."

"Um, no...I don't think the wife will go for that."

Now I had a hamster as a kid, her name was Buffy and we played with her all the time...no problems. Well with the exception that you can't potty train one, so if you handle them enough...eventually...you're gonna get crapped on!

So two teddy bear hamsters were acquired, and a Habitrail for them to live in!

Not quite this elaborate, but enough to do to keep them busy... It had a wheel, and a penthouse like this one does.

Even a ball, and a car were bought so when playing with them they could move around and still be protected should Tasha the wonder dog decide they were snacks, not pets!

The Habitrail was set up in Katie's room, where she fed them and kept their water bottle full.

This seemed like a great idea, except...and there always is an "except" isn't there? Hamsters are nocturnal! That meant while Katie was trying to sleep,

her hamsters (Piglet & Pooh) were running the wheel, the tubes and generally making hamsterlike noises!

Now what Dad didn't think about, is that every time you cleaned the cage...that Habitrail had to ALL come apart and washed! This meant they had to be relocated for the process....

Now Katie handled Piglet and Pooh all the time with impunity... I on the other hand must have smelled like hamster ambrosia, cause the little bastards bit me... every...single...time I picked them up. Kathy too was immune, but I always got it!

And inevitably I'd say something like:

"Ouch....oh, you little bastard!"

To where that's how I came to refer to them, as the "little bastards"...except I didn't really realize I did.

Until I was cleaning the habitrail one night, having moved them into a bucket until I was done...

So there I am scrubbing away at the sink, using the tube brush on the tunnels as Katie played with them at the table. 

Evidently the cleaning time exceeded childhood patience and Katie said to me:

"I don't think they like being in the bucket Daddy, how much longer???"

"Almost done baby, I just have to dry it all off and put it back together..." I answered.

"Did you hear that you little bastards? Daddy's almost done with your house!" Katie told them

"What did you say?" I asked my 6 year old daughter.

"You mean "little bastards"? That's what you always call them Daddy....I thought that's what they are...Daddy, what is a bastard?"

Well crap!

"Um Katie, that's kinda a bad word and not one you should use baby...Daddy usually says that when he's mad when they bite him..." I said.

"Huh unh, when you were getting them out to clean the cage you said "Come'mere you little bastards" and you weren't mad then..."

Double crap!!!

"Well Daddy shouldn't say things like that either." I told her "Here, we're all done. Let's put them back in their house."

Got one moved, no problem.

As I moved the other one...it bit me!

"Ouch you little b...." As I looked into the face of my little girl as she looked up at me "rat, you little brat! Quit biting me...

What a smile she gave me...I knew she was secretly laughing at me...but that smile made it all worthwhile.

The little bastards are buried behind the shed, a handmade wooden cross marks the spot.

For years they got bouquets of dandelions each summer...back behind the shed.

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

Had to happen sooner or later...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Well boys and girls....it finally happened!

Time and events got away from me today,

so there is no blog today other than to say 

there will be no blog!

Back tomorrow, promise.

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

A rare Michigan Earthquake...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

Got yesterday's post out a little late, like 11pm late...things to do, people to see and all that!
If you missed it you can find it here "what fries my taters!"

Well, we woke up this morning to another 4½" of new fallen snow! I'm killing time waiting til about 9 before I fire up that beast of a snowblower. While everyone is thankful for the snow removal, no one likes being awakened early on a Sunday morning!

The other day I told you about Momma Bear having a crying jag while pregnant over dinner rolls....

What I failed to mention was her penchant for impromptu napping!

We would plan on going somewhere, I was ready fairly quickly....but you know how you gals can be!

Not that I'm complaining, we love that you put so much effort into looking good for us...but does it have to take so long???

Well, on more than one occasion (read as "more often than not) my lovely, glowing pregnant wife would go back to the bedroom to decide what exactly she was going to wear....and never come back!

When I finally got tired of waiting, and went back to check that she had not been abducted by aliens or some such. I would find her curled up on the waterbed, facing her open closet fast asleep. When I'd wake her, she'd say:

"I just laid down to think about what I wanted to wear."

I would tell her, try sitting on the bed instead of laying on it and you'll be much less likely to fall asleep.

It got to be quite a bone of contention between us as it started becoming a constant occurrence. Not that I begrudged her her naps, far from it! I encouraged her to rest often, after all her body was working hard growing our baby.

It was the timing!

If she was tired, and didn't want to go and do whatever we had planned...just say so!

I'm a big boy and am used to doing things on my own, I was, after all a truck driver and spent up to 20 hours at a time all by my self.

On one occasion, she had made plans to go shopping with her friend and neighbor Debbie! She told me what time they had planned to go, and that she was going back to get ready. 

I told her "Don't fall asleep....."

"I won't!!!" She said in her snotty voice...you know the one girls...don't claim you don't! Lol.

So...

Time passes, no wife.

A half hour, no wife.

45 minutes, no wife.

I give her 15 more minutes, no wife.

Now certain that she is back there sleeping, I devise a plan. If she hears me coming down the hall she'll pop up off the bed and claim she'd never been laying down.

So I turned to Tasha the wonder dog and said:

"You know mama's back there sleeping, we're gonna run back there and catch her!"

Yes, I talk to my dogs like people, don't judge!!!

So I jumped up off the couch and raced down the hallway to catch her in the act...well, that was the plan!

What I had not factored into the equation was that Tasha the wonder dog was an Australian Shepherd!

"Shepherd" being the operative term! For, given that she had no sheep, goats or cattle to "herd" she often tried herding us!

So as I made my dash for the hallway, Tasha ran with me...but in her excitement that Dad was running with her, she got tangled in my feet.

Tripped by my overeager shepherd, all 298 lbs. of me at full speed....fell forward...

My left shoulder hitting the open doorway of what was to be the baby's room!!! This abruptly altered my forward progress, spun me sideways and tipped me towards the opposite wall, buckling the siding and putting a 3 foot whole in the wall....slamming my right shoulder into the 2X4 stud there!!! My forward momentum completely stopped I now fell backwards on top of my twisted legs, folding them under me!!

This series of concussions to our trailer knocked things off shelves, pictures fell from the walls, car alarms sounded….children wept!!!

Kathy, awakened by what she could only assume was a rare Michigan earthquake came running out of the bedroom to find me crumpled in the hallway, arms akimbo!!!

"OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED??? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" She asked.

Wind knocked right out of me, I squeaked out a

"Don't...touch...me..."

"What?!? Are you hurt?!?" She says...no, I'm not hurt, I always run my shoulder through the wall and fall backwards twisting myself up like a pretzel!!!

"Not...sure...yet...give..me..a.minute!!!" 

I took a quick inventory with the wife and dog looking down at me, decided nothing was broken.

When my loving wife started to giggle, then to chortle, then to laugh...laugh so hard tears ran down her face. 

As I unfolded myself. 

As rolled over to get my feet under me and stand up, Tasha the wonder dog gave me the "I'm sorry" conciliatory lick to the face.

When she could breathe again, as I stiffly made my way back to the couch she asked:

"What the HELL were you doing?????"

"Trying to catch you napping..." I groaned as I flopped down. "you were, weren't you?"

"Yeah," she said....wiping her eyes, "until the earthquake!!!!"

Hope your day is better than that one was for me!!!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

What fries my taters....

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Spent a nice afternoon chillin, having lunch with a retired buddy from work. Tacos and tamales at our favorite whole in the wall restaurant.

Ran some errands with Mama Bear, before going out to dinner at Sagano's Japanese Steakhouse, finally got our Valentines Day dinner!!!

On our way home from running our errands I saw something that rankled me a bit.

Let me start by saying I never served in the armed forces of this great country, though it was not for lack of trying. A medical problem prevented my service.

That being said, I fully support our military and especially our veterans!

I also fully realize that reintegration into civilian life can be tough for some of our Vets.

What fries my taters is, douche bags trying to capitalize on and exploit the plight of these brave men and women.

As we got off the expressway, and were stopped at the light to turn on to Sashabaw rd. there stood a fellow holding a sign. Which read:

Ex-Marine with a child

In need of help

Whatever you can do...

On the sign was a picture of a 20 something goatee'd young man with dark brown hair with perhaps a 4 year old little girl...

The problem?

The sign was held by a guy that was at LEAST late forties, with enough grey in his hair and goatee to make me think he was closer to 50!

Ergo, if that picture was of him...that kid's gotta have a family of her own by now!!! Definitely not a recent Vet, if he was in fact one at all.

I hate to be a doubting Thomas.... But past experience has made me leery. When things don't look right, they seldom are.

If I am mistaken, Sir I wholeheartedly apologize.

If I am right, you Sir deserve to rot in a very special place in Hell reserved for those who impersonate REAL heroes for their own personal gain!

Excuse the rant folks!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear