Karma can be a cruel mistress...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

The other day I was having a discussion with some friends on the vagaries of that most fickle of mistresses, Karma.

Most often when we feel a wrong has been done us, we cry out to her for satisfaction...though she seldom seems to hear.

Oft times her machinations are far too subtle for us mere mortals to comprehend...but oh there are times!

I've told you all of my after school job at the Sporting goods store, that became my full time employment once I graduated.

I learned many thing in those early formative years...and one was taught to me by a fellow employee named "Zac".

I will again remind you all that "Zac" was not his real name, and in these stories true names are seldom used.

Zac, was a ladies man...that's all I can say!  He was a good 5 years my senior, taking college classes and working at the store for spending cash. Tall and blonde, blue eyed and handsome...he had that kind of "surfer dude" vibe; tan and active, outdoorsy and healthy. The girls loved him.

For his part, Zac loved them back...a "player" before the term was common!

One November day a young woman came in, she caught my eye as she walked over to the gun counter. Tall and lean, dressed in jeans tucked into brown knee high boots, a soft cowl necked white sweater with a knee length coat belted over it. She looked like she stepped out of the pages of Vogue. Long blonde hair and big blue eyes, a small nose and lush full lips! She walked in that way that women should...

As fate would have it I was tied up with another customer, when she pinged on Zac's Hottie radar! While I was busy, I was not too busy to surreptitiously listen in... 

"Well Hello," said Zac "What can I help you with today?" favoring her with that megawatt smile of his.

"I'm looking for a gift for my husband." she replied, I saw disappointment flash across Zac's face but he soldiered on.

"Alright," he allowed "what are you looking for?"

"My husband was talking to one of his friends and I heard him say that he wanted a new deer rifle...a Winchester I think it was...and two numbers, like 20/20. Does that make any sense to you?"

Zac gave a little chuckle and told her "It sure does...I think what he was talking about was a Winchester Model 94, in 30/30 win., I have one right here..." He took the rifle off the rack, checked that it was empty and held it out to her.

"Oh, no thank you," she said waving a gloved hand "I wouldn't know what I'd be looking for..." I had noticed her brown leather gloves and handbag both matched her boots...this woman was put to-geth-er.

"I'll take your word for it...that that's the one...how much is it?"

"$189.00..." Zac told her.

"Wow, I didn't think they were that much...." she said, looking concerned. (that was a sum in the early 80's)

"We have a lay away plan," Zac explained "10% down and as long as you keep paying on it, you can have it in layaway."

"Let's do that then...but I'll need it by Christmas." She smiled...and oh what a smile!!!

Zac wrote up the paperwork, walked her up to the cash register...waited while she paid, shook her gloved hand before she left then strutted back to the gun counter wearing a Cheshire cat grin.

"Her name is Sarah, and I got her phone number!" he crowed to us once the other customers moved on.

"No you didn't," I ribbed him "you only got it for the layaway form! Besides, she's married...buying a gun for her husband, remember?"

"Doesn't matter how I got it..." He replied, holding the paper like Charlie's Golden ticket. "being married doesn't bother me, just means she won't want a commitment!"

We all laughed at him, called him a dog....and forgot about it.

Next week mid-day she was in again, asked for Zac by name to make her layaway payment. Any of us could have done it, but she asked for him.

Zac was his flirtatious self...and asked her if she'd had her lunch yet? When she said she had not, he told her he was about to go on break and maybe they could grab something together.

Against my belief, she said "Sure"! I was dumbstruck....how did he do it?

Every week the pattern repeated, right up to the week of Christmas when she made her final payment and took her gift home.

"Well buddy," I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder "Guess that's the end of that...huh?"

He heaved a mighty sigh..."We'll see...."

When you work retail, the 2 weeks prior and the 2 weeks after Christmas are your busiest time of year. As the new year get's into full swing...things slow down...a lot! In sporting goods, sure there are a few intrepid souls ice fishing...but until spring Baseball and regular fishing, we were dead. 

So when Miss Sarah reappeared, we all noticed...

She no longer came in once a week, her visits were far fewer...but whenever she appeared Zac would ask to take an hour lunch. We were dead, so the boss didn't care!

I asked him on a couple of occasions just what was going on, he'd laugh and tell me not to worry about it....

This went on for a few months.

Until one bright spring day not long before Easter. Sarah appeared again, dressed to kill in skirt and heels...and as usual her and Zac were off to lunch.

One hour passed, then another half...2 hours...no Zac!

Mind you this was a time before cell phones or pagers or GPS, he just didn't come back, and we had no way to contact him.

The manager, having a fit...allowed that Zac would have a lot of explaining to do when he showed up again...if he didn't fire him on the spot.

About 4 hours after Zac had left for lunch 2 Oakland County Sheriff's Deputys came into the store and asked for the manager.

When my manager had introduced himself, the Deputy's explained the reason for their visit.

It seems Miss Sarah's husband had come home unexpectedly in the middle of the day. Upset to find her, in his bed with someone other than himself, he availed himself of a gun and shot the fellow in the ass...that fellow being our employee Zac!

"Oh My GOD!!!" replied my boss "What was he shot with?"

The Deputy consulted his notes "A 30/30 Winchester rifle....a Christmas gift from his wife."

Ah Karma...you can be so cruel.

Zac survived, albeit with a bit of a hitch in his giddy up for a while...

He never returned to the store, and I never saw him again. He wouldn't let the police tell us what hospital he was in and said he would refuse all visitors. What happened to the husband, or Miss Sarah for that matter I never did learn.

But what I did learn: Never date a woman that buys her husband guns!!! 

Be Well Folks!!!

Beastly Bear

The Bouncers curse...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

It's been a few days, my apologies!

So, back when I started bouncing I was told about the curse by a fellow Bouncer. I didn't believe him of course...

According to him, the curse was damn near as pervasive as the "Curse of the Bambino", which lasted 86 year....now THAT'S a curse!!!

But like any newbie at any profession, I had to learn the hard way...

It was almost Christmas. A snow covered, cold Michigan night.
The bar I worked at had a banquet room downstairs that they rented out for special occasions...this Thursday night it was rented by a local business for their annual Christmas party.

I was working the door alone, as Thursdays were not big "trouble" nights. There was a foyer as people came in off the street, with a set of stairs to the left leading down to the banquet room. A second set of glass doors led into the bar proper, where patrons would show their ID's to yours truly before entering the club.

Management trusted the businesses to self regulate, and no bouncers were required in the banquet area unless requested...which never happened.

From my position at the door I could see all the party goers as they arrived, before they peeled off to head down the stairs.

It was a little after 9 pm, I'd just come on.

She caught my eye the second she walked through the doors...I can still see her in my mind's eye.

A halo of blonde hair surrounded an angels face, the rest hanging to the middle of her back...blue-grey eyes that caught mine as her boyfriend took her coat.

She was dressed for the event in a long sleeved red velvet mini dress that fit her Penthouse body like she was sewn into it...shapely legs ran down to a pair of F-me pumps that matched the dress in that they too were red...and velvet covered.

She graced me with a smile, tucking a stray hair behind her ear...(and my heart stopped)...before following the boyfriend downstairs to the party.

Time passed, people came and went and the dance music played.
I had nearly forgotten about her, when I turned around and there she was before me...

"Uh, Hi!" I stammered...I'm quick that way! 

"Hi," she replied meekly "is there a cover to get into the bar?

"Not at all," I told her "did you need something? Your waitress should be able to bring you whatever you need downstairs..."

"If it's all the same to you I'd rather be up here...I kinda had a big fight with my boyfriend...we broke up, he's such an asshole sometimes...and he's been drinking. You probably see a lot of that...doing what you do."

"Yeah, kind of an occupational hazard..."
She laughed softly, then the tears welled up...

"I'm sorry..." she said, digging in her clutch (red sequined) for a tissue.
I had a some napkins on the table next to me and I handed her a couple...no one was waiting to get in so I walked her over to a table, pulled a chair out for her and got her seated. I got the attention of one of the girls and told her on the sly to get the lady whatever she liked, on me. 

A group was coming in so I excused myself and headed back to the door.

It took longer than I figured, but sure enough here came the drunken boyfriend...

"Sarah, what the fuck?!?" he demanded storming up to her.

"I told you if you didn't stop I was leaving...you're such a jerk!!! I can't even talk to people without you freaking out...just go away."

"The fuck I will..." he said, listing a little unsteadily on his feet.
"You're coming back downstairs..."

"No, I'm not...just leave me alone...go drink with your asshole buddies, that's all you care about anyway!"

I watched this all play out, not really wanting to get involved yet...drunken lovers spats are de rigeur in a bar, so unless somebody starts "laying hands" you let it go...

"Don't be such a fucking bitch Sarah...come on!" (Wrong thing to say Bub)

"Fuck you!!!" she spat back at him. (Told ya...)

"I said COME ON!!!" he screamed, at which point he grabbed her upper arm and jerked her to her feet, the chair spinning away and toppling to the floor. 

"Jay stop, you're hurting me..." (That's my cue...)

Before the words were fully out of her mouth I was there...a couple other guys close by were half out of their chairs as well.

"Let her go!" I said in my outdoor voice to make myself heard over the throb of the music.

"Huh?" Jay looked at me not sure where I'd appeared from, or who I was, or why this broad shouldered fellow was bothering him.

"The lady obviously doesn't want to go with you, so let go of her."

"Who the fuck you think you are? She's my girlfriend so you can kiss my..."

"He's the Bouncer Jay...let go of me before he hurts you."

"Last chance pal..." I said stepping towards him.

He'd been holding her arm up level with her shoulder...he threw her arm down and said "Fuck this shit...and Fuck you.." He said to her, sticking a finger in her face. "Walk home BITCH!!!" 

With that he lurched his drunken ass out the door, and into the parking lot.

I righted her chair and held it out for her...she smoothed her dress under herself and sat down with as much dignity as possible. Her drink had spilled when she hit the table when he jerked her up and she mopped at it with a napkin. I had the bartender toss me a towel and I cleaned up the rest. Her waitress brought her another drink, to a muttered "Thank you"

I asked if she was alright..."Uh huh..." she answered.

"You want to call somebody?" I asked "The Bartender will let you use the phone..."

"No, that's ok" she said.

The manager, a women as opposite from this creature before me as is possible was staring daggers at me so I excused myself back to the door.

There was a small table by the door along the low wall separating the door from the rest of the bar. There was just one chair at it.
When we worked two Bouncers, one stood and worked the door...the other sat and watched the room. Working solo I stood.
I was allowed one drink, so I nursed my whiskey and ginger ale all night, setting it on the table next to me.

I heard something behind me, when I turned she was just sitting down at my table.

"You don't mind do you?" she asked.

"Not even a little bit..." I answered with a smile.

"I'm Sarah..."

"I heard..." motioning towards the table she'd been seated at with my head.

"Oh....yeah..." she blushed.

"I'm Joe..."

"Pleased to meet you Joe..." she said sticking out her hand.
I took her hand and she gave it a quick shake. 

She sat there and talked to me while I worked the door. When she finished the drink I'd bought her, she ordered herself another. Not letting me buy this time.

She told me all about her and Jay...told me it wasn't the first time he'd hurt her. I told her then it was "good riddance to bad rubbish".
She chuckled.

 She deserved better I told her. She asked if I had a girlfriend...I told her I was currently unattached. We talked about a little bit of everything, and the talking seemed to relax her. She told me where she worked (the cafeteria at the Kmart near us)...and as we talked she drank...white Russians.

Finally she sighed and said "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure..."

"Will you take me home...? I mean when you get off work." (YES!)

"I don't get off until 2:30...we close at 2, I help clean up and walk the girls out to their cars." I looked at my watch "That's about two and a half hours from now, you sure you want to wait that long?"

"For you..." (Oh man....)

The more she drank the flirtier she became...I was considering asking the manager to leave early when a middle aged woman in a mink coat and her husband came in...holding Sarah's coat.

"There you are dear..." The woman said "I'm so sorry about you and Jay...he's still young...give him time." She looked at me...

Made a face as though she smelled an unpleasant odor and asked. 

"How are you getting home dear? I understand Jay left hours ago..."

"Joe's going to take me..." she said indicating me with a smile and a wave of her hand.

"Oh that simply won't do...you don't even know this...man!" She looked me up and down, obviously not liking what she saw.

"We'll take you..."

"That's true, thank you." she said 

"Wanna go out sometime?" she said to me.

"I'm free tomorrow," I said. "we can meet here and then go out from there...if that would make you feel better."

"What time?" she asked.

"About 7pm?"

"It's a date....here's my number." She said getting out a pen and writing it on one of the napkins from my table, along with her name and a big heart. 

She gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said.
"Thank you for everything...you made tonight bearable.

The older man helped her into her coat, and she walked with them out into that cold dark night.

The next day I was walking on air...THE hottest girl I'd seen in ages was interested in me!!!

At five I called her number to make sure we were still on, no answer.
I tried again at six, no answer...
I was starting to get that feeling...but I went anyway.

As I walked in, Kelley the bartender (we had our own adventure here) said "Hey Big Guy (everybody was big to Kelley) I thought you had the night off?"

"I do...meeting a date. Can I get a whiskey and ginger ale?"

"Not that chick from last night?" she asked rolling her eyes.

"What?" I said "She's nice..."

"She's trouble, is what she is...trouble you don't need. Besides, did you forget about the curse?"

"No, I didn't forget about the curse....I just don't believe it."

"Ok," she said sitting my drink in front of me and wiping down the bar with her white towel. "Just sayin'..." as she moved down the bar to wait on someone else.

The other bartender, Lisa came out from the back room.
"Whoa," she said to Kelley "we get Heavy Duty AND WWF tonight?" Lisa had a penchant for nicknames...WWF was Sean, who looked like a wrestler and worked the nights I didn't.

"He's meeting a girl..." Kelley said.

"Not the one from last night...?" Geez...did everybody have an opinion?

Well, long story short...she never showed. I hung out until midnight to be sure....

My Bartender friends agreed, it wasn't me...it was the curse.

So Saturday, I had the day off from Dunham's Sporting Goods, a part time job I'd taken to help pay the bills while I worked at the school and bounced.

I remembered Sarah telling me she didn't go in to work again until Saturday morning when we were talking. So, giving her the benefit of the doubt...who knows, something could have come up...
Ok, Ok she was insanely hot and I wasn't giving up with out giving it one more try. I decided I'd go for lunch at the cafeteria at Kmart and sit in her section. You see how insane I was...I was willing to eat at Kmart for  chance with this girl.

Soooooo, I go.

I ask for her section specifically, and I'm looking over the menu when she walks up...

Hair pulled back on the sides of her head, the rest cascading down her back. Pale blue and red uniform dress that fit her like her Christmas dress did...it had to be her...NOBODY else could make that uniform look that good! Anklet socks and white sneakers completed her uniform. Her make up was understated, yet she still had aura of sexiness about her.
And she STILL looked hotter than most models!!!

"Hi, how're you doing today? Welcome to Kmart, can I get you something to drink?" she asked cheerily

"An iced tea please..."

"Ok, are you ready to order or do you need a minute?"

I had set my menu down, and she was looking right at me waiting expectantly...

"You have no idea who I am do you?" I asked, crestfallen.

She cocked her head to the side, bringing her pencil up to the side of her mouth as she concentrated...making the cutest little face of perplexity.

"Ummm, no...I guess I don't."

"I'm Joe..." I offered helpfully

She shook her head slightly still not making the connection.

"The Bouncer...? From Thursday night...?"

Her eyes lit with sudden comprehension..."That was you???"

"Yep.."

"But," her brow furrowed "how did you know where I worked?"

"Because you told me...and when you worked next...and all about you and Jay...you asked me to take you home? Any of this ringing a bell?" I asked hopefully.

"Kinda...I had a little bit to drink that night." she offered.

"Do you remember giving me your number? And why?"

She gasped a sudden intake of breath "Yes...Oh my God...I didn't show up!!! I'm so sorry..." She said as she slid in the booth across from me.

"I tried calling a couple of times before I left but you never answered..."

"Yeah, I wasn't home...I went over to Jays to get my things, and we wound up talking...and, well...we're back together." she said, not meeting my eyes.

"I figured it'd be something like that..." I said "I know I don't know you, and it's none of my business...But you don't deserve to be with somebody that puts their hands on you like that."

"He's a really nice guy when he hasn't been drinking...I know it's not an excuse, but..."

"But you love him..."

"Yeah." she answered with a nod.

I took a napkin, and wrote my name and number on it. I pushed it across the table to her.

"If you ever decide you deserve better..."

With a nod she scooped it off the table and slid it into the pocket of her uniform dress.

"Thanks," she said as she slid out of the booth. "you still want something to eat?"

"Gotta eat," I said with half a smile "Cheeseburger and onion rings please."

"Comin' right up..." she said with a smile as she walked back to the kitchen. 

She brought my check with my food, and when I was done I paid and walked over to say goodbye.

There was a trash basket sitting next to the waitress station, as I walked up something in it caught my eye...the napkin with my name and number on it.

When I looked up she was starring at me...
"Sorry" she mouthed.

 She looked away, and turning walked through the 
"employees only" door, and out of my life...forever.

I guess Sean was right about the curse...Damn him!

"Always remember the Bouncers curse, or this job will drive you crazy!" He'd said.

"What's that?" I asked.

"The Bouncer NEVER gets the girl."

Be Well Folks!!!

Beastly Bear

Clueless...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

We all have that one relative...you know the one.
The one that's just clueless...yet absolutely certain in their cluelessness!

I'll not name names, though those of you that know my family will probably figure it out.

Christmas time:
A family get together was scheduled at my mothers home. Mom always made the holidays a big deal, lots of good food and decorations!

We'd had snow, and while the driveway was cleared there were still some slippery patches. The relative in question arrived and was walking up the driveway when she slipped on a patch of ice and went down on one knee. No real harm done, just a knot and a bruise.
The rest of the day she kept complaining of how much her knee hurt.

My mother, always the caretaker brought her a couple aspirin, and a glass of water.

"What are these?" Clueless asked.
"Aspirin" my mother answered.
"Mom," Clueless said with distain for my mothers obvious stupidity "I don't have a HEADACHE, my KNEE hurts!!!"
The room fell into stunned silence...
"What...?" She asked, still not getting it.

Another holiday, Thanksgiving this time:
Again at my mothers...big Thanksgiving spread.
We all brought a dish, but mom still went out of her way with pickle trays, olive trays, cheese trays, and croudette(veggies). 

As part of the veggie tray my mom always bought radishes in bunches and cleaned them herself.

Most times she'd take the tops off completely, along with the root.

This time, she left about a half inch of the tops attached to use as a handle for dipping.
Like this------>

Enter Clueless and her entourage. She bustles in, drops off her dish gives greeting all around before going to hang up her coat. The trays were set out so we could all knosh a little as we talked and waited for the big meal to be ready.

As Clueless made her way around the table, picking at this and that her attention fell to the radishes.

She picked one up, examined it closely, turning it this way and that like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen. Pulling at the greenery at the top, then trying to twist it before finally in exasperation asks:
"Ok Mom, how'd you do it?"
"Do what?"
"How'd you get the green onion to stay in the radish like that?!?"
Again, were it summer you'd have heard nothing but crickets...

There have been more over the years, but why belabor the point.

I find that there are rarely those so firm in their convictions, as those that really don't have a firm grasp of the world around them.

They are however, amusing to the rest of us...

I sometimes think my daughter got a little of this relatives DNA.

My daughter loves pickles!
Dill pickles, sweet pickles, bread and butter, even fried pickles!!! You name it she likes them.

I'm a big fan of Clausen's deli style pickles.

After emptying a jar, I thought I'd try making some pickled cauliflower. I cut up the flowerettes and packed them in the jar with the remaining pickle juice, and set them in the back of the fridge for 2 weeks.

Finally I was ready to try my creation.

As I got them out, I asked my daughter if she'd like to try one.
She wrinkled her nose and said "Ummm, I don't think so..."
"Why not?" I asked "Cauliflower, like cucumbers don't have a lot of flavor...that's why they take on the spices so well."

"Well, I don't like pickled cucumbers either!" She replied.

"What???"

"I've tried them and I...don't...like...them" she said slowly, because I'm kinda slow sometimes.

"But you LOVE pickles!" I said.

"Yeah, PICKLES.....not CUCUMBERS!!!"

"What do you think pickles are made out of? Pickled cucumbers!!! What did you think there was a "pickle bush" they get them off?!?"

"They are not..." Funny how even with 30 years more experience on this planet that I still know less than my daughter!

"Google it..." I said. This is my new response when people say something so profoundly wrong, I just can't keep my mouth shut!

"Oh My God!!!" I heard from the other room "No way!!!"

"Yep," I said. "you mean to tell me you never noticed how pickles and cucumbers look an awful lot like the same damn thing?"

Well, she was so gobsmacked by this information she started calling her friends...fully half of which also didn't know that.

Proof I suppose we are becoming too far removed from where our food comes from.

I thought perhaps this was a generational thing.

Until I was telling this story at a get together, and one of the audience members at my table confessed that she too was unaware of that fact.

This is a professional woman in her 40's! 
That earns a six figure salary traveling the world for her Japanese auto manufacturing employer!

Maybe in her family she's "that one".....

Well folks, those are my Sunday morning ramblings.

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

A Sad Day...

Den of the Beastly Bear

It is with a heavy heart I write today's blog.

You see in the wee hours of New Years Day, the light went out for one of the angels in my life. We didn't realize anything was wrong when we got in from our party and turned on the lights. Perhaps her normal glow was somewhat diminished, but we didn't notice...

We were sitting in the family room, discussing our night when we heard a strange noise that caught our attention. As we turned to her, she made a noise we'd never heard. Her small body quivered, in the throws of some type of seizure...before either of us could move she suddenly stopped moving. And her light went out!!!

I suppose it is only fitting it was just my wife and I there for the end, as it was just the two of us when her light first blessed our home.

Twenty-six Christmases she'd spent with us. From our first together as a married couple in 1987. 

She was there watching in 1990, three days before Christmas when Kathy told me I was to be a father. 

She watched every year as Katie opened her gifts, from onesies and blankets that first year. To dollies and play phones, to dollhouses and clothes. Jewelry and trinkets, to this years Nexus 7 and Chromecast so she can stream movies and music to her TV.

She presided over many a Christmas dinner party as new members were added to our family. There as we mourned loved ones lost over the past years.

I admit to loving her from the moment I first laid eyes on her. 

A gift from my Mother, her siblings went to my Sister's homes. Her short blonde hair, framing an angels face...her creme colored satin and lace dress adorned with roses.....her wings of gold lameè. Bought from Kmart, my Mom always crafty got out the hot glue gun and went to work customizing each. Ours got a halo of gold beads, pink colored satin bows, and peach colored mini silk roses! Because our wedding colors had been peach and grey.

Oh wait, didn't I mention...

She was our animated tree top angel!

I'm sorry if I led you astray, and I realize it is silly to feel such an emotional attachment to something so mundane. And like many things, you don't appreciate what you have till it breaks!

Can I fix her? I don't know...it may be beyond my talents to repair. And my fear is that in my attempt to fix her, I may damage her irreparably. You see she didn't just light up, her wings flap and her arms open and close, holding a candle in her left hand.

She has never graced an artificial tree, but blessed our real trees and kept us safe. She came with us from our humble trailer of a first home, to our current home.

And when it was decided that we would put an additional tree(artificial) up in the living room, to be seen through the bay window from the street. There was never a thought to moving her there...she was part of the family and belonged in the FAMILY room!

Perhaps I should leave well enough alone and let her have her peace. Continue to set her atop our trees, dark and unmoving....but it just doesn't seem right.

RIP Sweet Angel

1987-2014

Yeah, the Beastly Bear's a big softy!!!

Tell No one!!!