Da Mouche...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

We all know one...usually at work. Sometimes sadly you call them a friend...

It's the mouche...

The guy that always needs a hand. Maybe it's money, maybe a favor, but he always needs something!!!

When I worked at Perry Drugs we had a famous one, his name was "Chet". Not his name, but what we all called him.

Chet was legend for his mouching abilities.

Once my buddy Greg asked me to join him and a friend on a St. Clair river fishing trip. While we were discussing and finalizing plans, Chet overheard our conversation.

"I'd love to go on something like that..." He said.

"You wanna come?" Greg asked.

I shot him a look, but his good nature won out and Chet was added to our day trip.

I won't bore you with the whole fishing story, but middle of the day we pulled the boat into a shoreline market, for gas and beer.

We had a cooler on the boat, stocked with soda, beer and water. The fellow whose boat we were on filled up with gas as Greg, Chet and I went into the store.

We grabbed some snacks and a case of beer. The bill came to $28 and some change, I handed Greg a $10 bill and he turned to Chet.

"What?" Chet asked

"We're kicking in for beer and snacks Chet..." I told him.

"I don't really care for beer," Chet said "so I shouldn't have to kick in for that!"

We just stared at him...as Chet had downed at least 6 beers while we were out on the water.

"Well you enjoyed the shit out of it when it was free!!!"

Greg said, a Southern boy that didn't mince words!

Another time, a group of us were out at a bar after work. Chet came in with his girlfriend. We hollered a greeting! 

We were sitting at a table, with a couple pitchers...

Chet and his girl went to the bar and bought bottles.

They went and set at a table by themselves...after a while they wandered over to chat.

As they stood there talking, Chet finished his beer (which he doesn't really care for). When he did, he picked up one of the pitchers and started trying to fill his bottle from it!!!

"Hey!!!" We cried.

"What???" Chet asked, like we were the ones defying social convention, not him!!! At least his girlfriend managed to look embarrassed for him!

I was headed to Lansing on a run one cold January day when Chet stopped me.

"Hey Joe, you delivering to the Saginaw street store today?"

"Yeah Chet why?"

"There's this sub shop at the end of the plaza, would you get me a 12" cut ham and swiss sub with just lettuce and mayo? I'm headed to Chicago tomorrow morning and I want to take it with me."

"Sure Chet, you got the cash?"

"Pick it up for me and I'll pay you tomorrow out of my overnight money."

"I don't start till 6 tomorrow Chet, you start at 5am."

"Just come in a little early, by the time I pre-trip my truck and get everything ready I won't be leaving until 5:30 or so..."

I should have known better...I really should have.

Got Chet's sub...$17 worth!!!! Took it home and put it in the refrigerator. Up early the next day I was in at 5:15....and Chet was gone!!!! Security told me Chet left them a message for me that he "couldn't wait"!

Huh?!?

I was actually EARLIER than the agreed upon time.

So I took the sub back out to my car, it was January with High's predicted at 28° or so...it would be fine.

That night it went back in the fridge.

Chicago was a two day trip, so it would be three days before I saw Chet again.

On the third day I brought Chet his sub.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" He asked.

"I don't care what you do with it Chet, you ordered it, I got it for you...you owe me $17!"

"You weren't here on time, so I left...I couldn't wait around all day...I'm not paying for it!!!"

"Chet, what you don't know is that I WAS here...at 5:15 so I wouldn't miss you. Ask security (we were having this discussion in from of the security office)."

"Yep, he was..." Security chimed in.

"So I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I got you this sub and I want my money."

"It's four days old, it's no good..." He countered.

"It's been kept cold Chet, I'd eat it myself if it was mustard not mayo and it was mine...but it's not, I didn't order it...YOU DID!"

"Well I'm not paying for it.." Chet said.

"Chet, you pay me for this fucking sub or I swear to God I'll take it out of your stinking hide...your choice!"

He stared at me for a few heartbeats, judging the level of my commitment to moping the floor with him should he decline.

"Fine" he said taking a $20 out of his wallet and throwing it on the ground between us, I had $3 ready and held it out to him along with his sub.
"Keep it!" he said and stomped off...well as much as a 5' 6" 150 lb. guy can.

As he left, I bent and picked up my money...

"What an asshole!" the security guard exclaimed.

"That's our Chet! Hey, wanna sub???"

"Sure...."

Needless to say that was the last time I ever did a favor for Chet.


Then there was the Rifle River fiasco...
In which the whole warehouse went canoeing down the Rifle River in Northern Michigan.

Through circumstance I ended up in the same canoe with Chet...neither having a partner that could attend.

Chet also had nowhere to stay, so I let him bunk in my 5 man tent with me. We arrived Friday night, spent all Saturday negotiating the river. There was a big bonfire/party that ended the evening.

Come Sunday morning most slept late, as large quantities of beer were consumed the night before...

Not Chet....

Chet was up with the Sun...sneaking from campsite to campsite helping himself to everyone's empty cans and loading them by the garbage bagful into the bed of his S10 pick-up!
(For those of you that do not live in a bottle/can deposit state, Michigan has a 10¢ deposit on all cans and bottles)

 

I awoke to an altercation outside my tent as one of the revelers was confronting Chet about his theft of said cans.

Chet's defense? "I didn't think anybody wanted them..."

It seems that Chet needed gas money home, and rather than ask just helped himself!

Of course the raised voices awakened others. Before long there was a regular mob, all wanting a piece of Chet's anatomy!

It was finally decided that, because Chet couldn't remember whose campsites he had gotten them all from. That he should take what he had, and hit the bricks or suffer an ass whipping like he'd never had before!

Oh, and it was politely recommended he not come on any more company outings...

Let's hope you don't have a "Chet" in your life...

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear