Sunday, June 8, 2014

It just vibrates...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Many, MANY years ago...

I was always a curious young man, interested in everything. How it worked, why it worked, if things really worked.

I have twin sisters, 18 months my junior...and often times they were my guinea pigs.

How many times in cartoons or TV shows have you seen someone get ground black pepper in their face and it sent them into a sneezing fit, usually to great comic effect.

So trying to be funny, when my sisters were about 8...
I shook some pepper into my hand at dinner, called my sister Brenda by name and when she turned towards me I blew the pepper in her face.

The result was immediate if unexpected...
No comic sneezing fit ensued...oh no!
Instead, she screamed like she'd been set on fire!!!
See what I had not counted on was how it felt to get black pepper in your eyes!!!
Not like on TV at all!

An ass whipping followed, and that was the last time that particular stunt was pulled.

One of the things our family would do back in the 70's would be little day trips...

We'd pack up in my Step-Dad's Eldorado and off we'd head.

One destination we always enjoyed was a place called 
Almont Saddlery. Almont was no more than an hours drive from us, but to kids it seemed all day...

Almont Saddlery was a big two story store that sold everything!!! Saddles and tack, clothing, hats, boots...and everything you could ever need for raising livestock.

While our parents looked around, us kids were pretty much left to our own devices with the admonition not to break anything!

The girls and I were on the lower level, in the area with livestock accouterments when I spied a foot long chrome cylinder with what looked like a bicycle grip on one end. A cattle prod.

I had heard of these devices, used to get cattle moving when they were recalcitrant. I had however, no idea how they worked. I picked it up to closer examine it.
It was heavy, it had batteries in it! Hmmm, why batteries? There was writing on the cylinder near the grip, "Twist to unlock" so I did.

There were two rods about ½ inch apart on the other end...I didn't know why. I pushed on the grip, my other hand on the cylinder itself and the whole thing vibrated and buzzed like one of those prank hand buzzer things they used to sell in novelty shops.

Aha! So to my young mind I had puzzled this out...
The batteries made the thing buzz and vibrate, the rods concentrated this sensation because cows have a thick hide and wouldn't feel it otherwise. This sudden buzzing vibration applied to the cows side startled it into moving! Hey, quit laughing...I was 11!

There stood my sister Anna, wearing shorts...wouldn't it be funny if I used the cattle prod to scare my sister?
So I applied the end with the two rods to the back of Anna's thigh and pressed the grip!

Oh she was startled alright!!! If you call falling to the ground like she'd been smacked down by the hand of God, and screaming like a flayed cat while experiencing uncontrollable tremors...then yes she was startled.

"Quit faking," I said. "it just vibrates!" 
After all, that's all I felt...

But she didn't!!! Suddenly we were surrounded by employees who snatched the prod from my hand just as our parents arrived! They took in the sight, figured it out instantly and the ass whipping commenced...out the door, across the parking lot, all the way to the car! Where I was left to contemplate my crime while the rest of the family continued their shopping adventure...

Hell, I was ahead of my time...I invented the stun gun!!! Lol

Here's hoping your day is not quite as shocking!

Be Well Folks!!!

Beastly Bear


  1. And this is the kind of story every mom can tell of raising BOYS!
    Laughing here because boys will DO those things while girls would likely just think about it!

    And your sister still speaks to you, right? Huh!

    1. Yes Jo she still speaks to me...both of them! Probably because I no longer experiment on the poor things...

  2. I am so glad I was an only child and didn't have to deal with the torture inflicted by older siblings!!

  3. It wasn't torture JoJo.... was try to be funny!
    Torture was having twin sisters that capitalized on a couple indescretions to yell "Mom, Joe won't leave us alone!!!" to get me in trouble so they could watch what they wanted on TV.
    I don't know how many times I heard "two against one, we win!". :-)

  4. I thought my older brothers were bad! Think I'll send my Bro a thank you note.

    1. Include a gift card to Outback! Big brothers love Outback!!! Lol

  5. Dear God, I take back all the stuff I've ever said about my baby brother. Thank you, Lord for NOT making Joe my brother! and EVERYONE said Amen! lol

  6. Holy crap, you almost made me happy I had a sister instead...that is ALMOST. HA HA

    1. Yeah but big brothers offer that certain amount of protection...we can pick on you, but nobody else better!!!

  7. Hahahahahahahahahahaha! The cattle prod - hilarious. The black pepper, yeah, not so much.. I've gotten pepper in my eyes before and that goes beyond hurting! - You're lucky they still speak to you! Lol..

  8. In my defense with the worked on TV!!! LOL