Thursday, May 1, 2014

He did what?

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

My Mothers boyfriend Jerry passed away a couple years ago now, though as they say "No-one really dies as long as someone remembers them".

And remember Jerry we do! 

One of Jerry's more endearing qualities was his absolute abuse of the English language!
Like when I put a cap on my Chevy El Camino, Jerry says:

"All you need now is to get one of those carpet Rembrandts, cut it to fit and that'll be real nice for hauling stuff..."

"A What?" Why would I put a 17th. century Dutch painter in the back of my El Camino??? I was confused...

"A carpet rembrandt, you know...what they got left over from a roll..."

"You mean a remnant?"

"Yeah, That's what I said..." 

Oh boy...

Or the time I needed a new catalytic converter for my car.

Jerry said "Those cap-ta-lic-tic converters are pretty expensive, you should just replace it with a straight pipe." Mind you this was before they really buckled down on emissions!

Jerry was also the biggest fan of Cabelas Sporting Goods that ever lived!!! Except he couldn't say their name right to save his life...depending on which day he asked you it was "Hey, you wanna run over to Carbalas/Garbelas/Capelas/Cabballas etc."

These things, plus a hundred others make me think of him almost every single day! He was with her over thirty years after all, and was like a step father to us.

But one of the weirdest, and funniest things he ever did...I was just reminded of today.

Mama Bear has some nice jewelry I've bought her over the years, and they have a lifetime warranty on them. As long as you bring them in to the jeweler for a regular cleaning/inspection. So today she asked me if I would drop her off at the mall so she could have that done.

"Oh, I'll drop you off alright..." I said.

"AND wait for me...you think you're soooooo funny..." 

Let's face it folks, I am!  :-D

I snickered...

"Ok, JERRY!!!"

Now, why she would hurl that particular name at me...has become "Legend" in our family!

You see, only a notch below Cabelas on Jerry's list of favorite places in the world, is Bass Pro Shop!

One evening Jerry had a particular need of something from Bass Pro Shop, located at our local Mall. My Mother, knowing Jerry's propensity for getting "lost" in Bass Pro Shop asked if he'd drop her at "Bed, Bath, and Beyond" while he shopped. He did, with the understanding that when he was done he would come and pick her up.

Now, turning my Mother loose in "Bed, Bath, and Beyond" is like turning a kid loose in a candy shop! My Mom is the person the term "Shop like a woman" was invented to describe...she will look at EVERYTHING!!! No matter how small the dodad, how obscure the knick-knack, how odd the dohicky my Mom will need to pick it up, turn it over and inspect it's every facet before moving on...
And "Bed, Bath, and Beyond" is just chock full of dodads, knick-knacks, and dohickys!!!

I was at work, on second shift (and hating it)...so Kathy and Kaitlin were home alone.

About 9 o'clock the phone rings, the caller ID says it's my Mom's house...so Kathy answers the phone:

"Hello?"

"Hi Kath," Jerry says "Have you heard from Joe's mom?"

Bewildered Kathy answers "Noooooo, should I have?"

"Well, I was just wondering...I dropped her at Bed, Bath, and Beyond when I went to Bass Pro. When I was done I went to pick her up and couldn't find her...so I came home. I thought she might have called."

"You WHAT?!?" Kathy asked

"I came home...she wasn't where she said she was going to be and I wasn't searching the mall for her so I came home!"

"Did you go in and look for her?" Kathy asked.

"I walked through that whole store...she wasn't there, so I left!" 

Now if you knew Jerry, you would understand just how unlikely that is...

"Oh God," Kathy said "are you going back up there?"

"Nope...that's why I wondered if you'd heard from her."

"I'll run up there and see if I can find her..." She said as she hung up.

Kaitlin asked "What's up?"

"Jerry left Grandma at Bed, Bath, and Beyond...I'm gonna go get her and take her home, you wanna come with me?"

"Hell no!!! Grandma's gonna be pissed!!! I don't even want to be there for that!" Katie said.

So, off Kathy goes to the mall...parks near Bed, Bath, and Beyond's outside entrance and went in.

A couple isles in, there was my Mom.

"Mom?" Kathy said

"Oh HI Kathy!!! Fancy meeting you here...you out shopping too?"  Mom replied

"Not really," Kathy says "I'm here to take you home..."

"Take me home???" Mom was confused "I'm just waiting on Jerry...he's down at Bass Pro Shop."

"Um, no he's not....he's home"

"Home? Who's home?"

"Jerry, he said he couldn't find you so....he went home."

"Well I've been right here...he went home?!?"

"He says he came in and looked for you, couldn't find you so he left..." Kathy explained.

"Oh for God's sake...like he came in here....I just don't know about that man..."

To say Mom was a little "put out", would be a MAJOR understatement!!! The longer she thought about it, the madder she got...by the time Kathy got her home she was ready to spit nickles!!!

So Kathy took Mom home...wisely choosing to drop her at the front door rather than going in. 

When I called home after lunch, Kathy told me all about it...

All I could say was "He did WHAT?!?"

So today when I told Kathy I'd drop her off.......
She invoked the legend of Jerry leaving my Mom at the Mall...with the implied threat that I should never think of doing the same...hahaha!

Be Well Folks!!

Beastly Bear



10 comments:

  1. I remember that and it still cracks me up. Such a mature decision on Katies part and what a brave woman Kathy was. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Jen, Katie made a wise decision!!! Lol

      Delete
  2. Oh wow I'd've killed him. Thank god we live in the age of cell phones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What was funny is that she didn't even realize she'd been left!!! She was just shopping away...

      Delete
  3. Who would think a woman could out shop a man at Bass Pro?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know joeh...right?!? Evidently he found what he needed fairly quickly...Lol

      Delete
  4. Amusing post. I can understand why Katie didn't stay after she dropped your mom off. Poor Jerry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I felt bad for him...I can only imagine how the rest of his evening went!!! Lol

      Delete
  5. That's hysterical! And I totally would've been your mom not knowing that I'd been left!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just so many things to look at!!! Lol

      Delete