Don't meet your heroes, unless your hero is George R.R. Martin...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Howdy Folks!

About May of 1990 I came across a book called "The Eye of the World" by Robert Jordan...and it rocked my world! I LOVED this book!!! So when I finished it I loaned it to my best buddy Dave, and his reaction was the same!

Little did we know we had started on a journey of 14 books over 23 years!!! Around 1997 I found out Robert Jordan would be attending Dragoncon, (an East Coast Comiccon) as a panelist, discussing his books. He would also be doing book signings.

I got a hold of Dave, reservations were made, tickets bought, and off to Atlanta we went!!!

Back then the event was held over three days, over Father's day weekend in June.

We got in a day before Jordan was to speak, we stayed at the Atlanta Hyatt just a couple blocks from the convention center.

We were beside ourselves getting to meet our literary hero!!!

We had breakfast at the hotel restaurant before heading to the convention center. I needed film for my 35mm camera and went to buy some at the hotel thrift shop while Dave waited in the restaurant. 

As I got to the thrift shop there was a sign on the door "Back in 10 min.", so I set about waiting. As I did a man stepped up beside me, I paid him no mind...just another guy waiting for the store to open.

After a couple of minutes the guy says to me "How long you been waiting?"
"Oh, about 5 min. or so, they should be open any minute."
I was still doing the "elevator" wait...you know just standing, looking straight ahead, but I'd turned my head slightly to respond to my fellow waitee...when I noticed his walking stick. A very distinct walking stick. I'd only seen one like it once before...in the hands of the man I'd flown to Atlanta to see.

  
"Hey, you're Robert Jordan...aren't you?"
I asked.

Instantaneously he went from just another guy waiting for a store clerk to return to....
Super Diva Asshole!!!

"I don't have time to TALK!" he snapped at me "I have a million things to do...and I don't have time for THIS!!!"

At which point he spun on his heel, stomped over to the poor security guard and began berating him about the store being closed and that he was an important man and he had places to be and they were wasting his valuable time etc.,etc.!!! Complete Diva meltdown!!!

About this time the clerk returned and opened the shop.
"Mr. Jordan? They're open..." I offered.
Without even breaking rant, he waved me off turned and stomped off. I gave the security guard a sympathetic look, he just shook his head. I purchased my film and made my way back to Dave to fill him in. He was incredulous to say the least.

When we got to the convention center Dave and I split up, he entered a card game tournament...I headed to the convention room where Jordan was to speak.

As they introduced each author I was in the front row taking pictures. As Jordan stepped out, he made eye contact with me and literally stumbled. I just smiled and waved. Through the whole panel he kept eyeing me like he thought I was going to "out him" in front of everyone.

The book signing wasn't scheduled until around 5 pm so I had plenty of other panels, exhibitions, demonstrations to see. What's funny is I kept running into Jordan all over the convention center.
He might have accused me of stalking him, except that I was always there first, he never said a word to me, but recognized me each time. Also, I never happened to be with Dave when I ran into him...

When we finally got in line for the book signing, it was announced he would sign a maximum of two books, his name only, on the title page no personalization!

His wife Harriet(who also we later learned was his editor) helped by making sure the books were turned to the right page. He was brusque and borderline rude to most everyone. Dave, ahead of me got his books signed...and then it was my turn.

Jordan looked up: "Oh, uh hey...uh sorry about this morning. I always start my day with a newspaper after breakfast...and well, I was in a bit of a rush."
"I understand..." I said
"What's your name?" He asked.
"I'm Joe," I said and pointed to Dave "and this is my buddy Dave...we flew down from Michigan to see you."
"Well, enjoy yourselves..."
As I looked down at my book he'd written:

Joe

Hope you're having a great time at Dragoncon!

Robert Jordan

Wow, he personalized my book! Yay me!

But it kind of left a bitter taste in my mouth, yeah it turned out good for me...but the guy was a jerk. Well maybe he just was having a bad day.

Except:

Over the years I saw Jordan two more times for book signings, once with Dave once on my own and he was an ass to the people at the book stores every time! Without exception he was rude and dismissive of his fans as well. Like he really couldn't be bothered.

Jordan died in 2007 of Cardiac Amyloidosis. Brandon Sanderson was chosen by he and his wife to finish the last 3 books in the series from Jordan's notes.

In 1996, I found another great book! "A Game of Thrones" by George R.R. Martin.

Yes, THAT "Game of Thrones"!

But in '96 nobody had ever heard of it. The ONLY author to have ever really supplanted Jordan as a fantasy author!!!

So I gave it to Dave to read, he loved it as much as I did!!!

Christmas was rolling around so I thought I'd get a copy for Dave. First editions were by then sold out everywhere...so I went searching online.

I came across George R.R. Martins website, offering signed first editions for $38! So I sent the website an email about purchasing one.

The next day I got a reply.....

From the man himself!!!

He told me the process, thanked me for being a reader...asked me how I wanted it personalized?!?

What???? You're asking me what I want? Not telling me what you'll do and I can like it or not? What a difference!!!

So I sent him an email explaining it was to be a Christmas gift, and that Dave was my friends name and he had already read my copy and whatever he felt appropriate would be fine.

He wrote me back saying if I really wanted to blow my friend away, book 2 was being released in the UK Dec. 1st.! 3 full months before it would be available here, and Amazon UK would guarantee arrival worldwide by Christmas. So I got Dave both!!!

I maintained an email relationship with him for a couple years, before his popularity necessitated he no longer personally answer correspondence. Dave and I have seen Martin in person twice. Friendly and jovial at EVERY event...chatting with everybody he signs for a couple minutes...what a classy guy!!! He even remembered me, and when I had him sign my foil cover first edition...he said "You know what you've got there don't ya Joe?!?"

I just smiled..."Yes sir I do!!!"

Current signed copies are going for around $1,600.00

You're welcome Dave!  ;-)

So if you must meet one of your heroes, make it George R.R. Martin!!! You won't be disappointed!

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

Melancholy Bear...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Howdy Folks!

Got some sad news over the weekend, my sister-in-law Lori's father passed away. He had been in Hospice and it was expected, yet still a sad day.

It'll be 5 years ago this year I lost my father, my God can it really be that long ago?

I know some of the rest of you have also lost one or more parents, I suppose it is a sign of our age...
That doesn't make any easier.

It is the times like these that make you think of those that have been such giants in our lives...parents, grand parents, teachers and friends.

Each has molded us, shaped us, whether for good or ill...we ARE who we are because of them.

Their loss is a void that can never be filled...

My deepest condolences to Lori and her whole family in their loss.

Love you guys!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

Daddy/Daughter Night...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

I've never understood guys that call spending time with their own children "babysitting", it's not babysitting ya douche bag...they're YOUR kids!!!

*deep breath*

Ok, that out of the way....
I always enjoyed time spent, just Princess Bear and me!

I remember once, she was about 3 or 4 (which to me was that perfect "sweet spot"! You know, old enough to not need diapers and tell you exactly what they want, yet young enough that Daddy still hung the moon and other boys are "ichy"!)

Mama Bear had a "night out" with some friends so Princess and I were left to our own devices.
Being a doting Daddy, I asked Katie what she wanted for dinner.
"Anything?" She asked
"Anything baby..."
"Can we get Taco Bell?"
I said sure and I bundled her into my pickup and off to Taco Bell we went. Now anybody that knows me, also knows I hate Taco Bell! But I sacrifice for my girl...

We ate there, Katie had a hard taco kids meal...I suffered through a couple soft steak tacos.

On our ride home Katie says:
"Daddy, my tummy hurts."
Now this didn't concern me much as Katie was not above faking not feeling well for extra cuddles, but still you gotta be sure.
"Do you think you ate too much?"
"No"
"Do you think you ate too fast?"
"Huh unh."
"Do you think a cuddle would help?"
She got a big smile and said "Yes"
So I put my arm around her and cuddled her as close as her booster seat would allow. But persisted...
"When was the last time you went potty today?"
"At Laurie's..." Laurie was her babysitter, so before she was picked up so that would be before 4pm, it was after 8 now and she'd just finished eating a little over a half hour ago.
"You think that might be the problem? I asked her.
"Maybe.." 
"Well when we get home why don't you change into your nightie and see if maybe you can't go potty and maybe that will help your tummy, ok"
"Ok" she said "Daddy?"
"Yes baby?"
"I love you!!!" This was another favorite game. I loved it too! Shhhhhhh, that's a secret.
"Love you too baby!"

When we got home, she went to change and I let Tasha the wonder dog out to do her business. As I let Tasha back in Katie emerged from her bedroom wearing her short nightie, gave a little twirl to watch it spin out and said "All done Daddy"
"Did you put your dirty clothes away?"
"Yep"
"Ok then why don't you go back to the bathroom and see if you can go potty before bedtime, ok?"
"Ok Daddy" and off she went, typical 90 or nothing running down the hall with Tasha in tow.
"No running..." I ineffectually called down the hall behind her. "And wash your hands when you're done!" 

I sat down, picked up the remote and started searching for something we could snuggle and watch together until it was time for bed.
It seemed to be taking her a long time...and she was at that age where she loved playing in the water, loving the way it felt when it ran over her hands. 
So I stealthily started down the hall, thinking that's what I'd catch her doing. I was almost to the bathroom and I thought I heard water splashing....gotcha!

Just as I got to the door Katie came out with the hem of her nightie held up stomach high creating a bowl....filled with puke!
She looked up at me and said:
"Daddy, don't be mad...I got sick..."
About that time Tasha the wonder dog appeared from the bathroom covered in puke from the top of her head, down one whole side of her body, walked to the middle of the hall....and shook! Ugh!
"TASHA!!!" Oh my god it went everywhere!!!
"It's Ok, Katie...here let's get you out of that dirty nightie and cleaned up..." 
Back into the bathroom I stripped off the nightie careful not to spill...and tossed it in the tub, got the dog to hop in and closed the shower doors confining the damage she could do. Got Katie cleaned up, changed into a fresh nightie and put to bed. A bucket next to her bed, with the admonition that if she felt sick again to "use the bucket".
Back down to the bathroom, turned on the shower and got the dog depuked, before rinsing out the nightie after emptying it's contents into the toilet. Toweled the dog dry, wrung out the nightie and put it over the curtain rod to dry.

I was just coming up the hall when I heard:
"DADDY???........UUUUURRRRPPP!!" Splat!!
"Oh no..."
As I walked into Katie's room she was sitting up in bed, puke down the fresh nightie and all over the bedding...
"Katie, why didn't you use the bucket honey???"
"I tried Daddy..."
"Ok, Ok...it's alright...here just stand up and get that nightie off, we'll get you a clean one..."
So I got her cleaned up again, stripped off the bed and remade it while she sat on the couch with the bucket between her legs.
Then back to bed, while I shook out the sheets in the tub, and put them in the washing machine and started it.
Wiped down the walls and the ceiling...damn dog.
Back up the hall.
"Daddy....I think...UUURRRRPPP!"
SHIT! I'm running out of nighties and sheets!
"Awww baby, did you get sick again?"
"Unh huh...but I used the bucket..."
"Oh good job sweetheart..."

And that's how the rest of my night went, every 
20 min. on the 20 min. All. Night. Long.

Kathy got home about midnight and asked:
"How was your Daddy/Daughter night?"
"Oh Babe...do you owe me big time!" I chuckled, shaking my head.

About three months later I had to close our bedroom door to get to the breaker panel(it was behind our bedroom door for some reason) when a piece of taco shell fell on my shoulder. "What the...???"
Oh god the dog!!! When she shook...crap went everywhere!!!

Thankfully other Daddy/Daughter days went much better! Love my little Katie Bug!

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

My mind? Blown...lol

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hello Folks!

Being sick does things to the mind...

Sitting here contemplating what I'll write about today,

my wife brought me a cup of coffee and a donut. I drank the coffee, ate the donut...still at a loss when I was overcome by a sneezing fit.

Sinuses running like a river, I grabbed the closest thing possible with which to blow my nose...a paper towel on my chair side table.

Blowing my nose like a trumpet, I was suddenly showered with white powder! WHAT THE HELL???

For a moment my mind thought "Oh my god, did that come out of my nose?!? Was I unknowingly snorting cocaine in my sleep? Is the air so dry I have dust in my head? Has my brain dried up and blown away???"

And then it hit me, that was the paper towel Mama Bear had brought me the donut on...a powdered sugar covered donut! Whew...that was a relief! My head was not disintegrating!!! Despite my lack of cohesive thoughts!

7 hrs. Later....

Been chatting with my Idaho mountain pal Magical Mystical MiMi who is currently laid up with back pain after a little spill.

Reminded me of an incident that happened to me years ago.

When Kathy and I first got married we lived in a trailer/mobile home(depending on the part of the country you're from) with a wooden deck leading up to the door. With 5 steps up to the deck.

One winter we had a snow and ice storm...snow first, then freezing rain on top. I was leaving for work, Kathy didn't have to be up for a couple of hours so I gave her a quick kiss goodbye, told her I loved her and I'd see her that evening. She mumbled a "Have a good day..." Before rolling over and snuggling into the covers.

As I stepped out onto the deck, I saw we'd gotten just a couple inches of snow, but a thick coating of ice over top. Being a burly, almost 300 lb. guy I easily broke through but it was still slippery going.

As I got to the steps, I saw the snow had drifted up the steps making them look like a ski ramp rather than steps. But hey, I'm big and burly right?

All I have to do is step down hard with my heel and I'll break right through right? 

Oh, I could not have BEEN more wrong!

My foot came down hard...and suddenly both my feet were at eye level! As I hung there, in the milliseconds before gravity reasserted itself, the thought came to me "This is really gonna hurt!" quickly followed by "I wonder how long I'll lay here before someone finds me?"

At that point gravity(that spiteful bitch) snatched me back to earth, landing with the top step just below my shoulder blades. Then I proceeded to bounce down each step until landing in a heap on the cement pad at the bottom.

As I lay there motionless, waiting for the pain to begin and doing the part by part function check...you know.
Ankles...good.
Knees...ok.
Hips...no pain there.

When the door opens.
Kathy sticks her head out and calls "Joe???"
"Down...here..." I croak out, seems "ribs" did not get the ok yet!
"Oh my GOD, what happened??? It sounded like a car ran into the trailer!!! The whole trailer shook!" 
(The bedroom was in the BACK of the trailer)
"Fell...down...steps..."
This is when my compassionate wife starts laughing...
"Oh god, are you ok...hahaha I mean do you need help?!? Hahaha"
"No, stay inside...I think I'm ok..."

It took me a couple minutes to get rolled over and stand up, none the worse for wear...and head into work.

I was doing ok, until I had driven to the first store on my route. About an hour and a half drive away, and
I tried to get out of my semi, THAT was a challenge!

Unloading I'd loosen up again, only to stiffen up during the drive to the next...and that was my day.

Needless to say heating pads and Advil were order of the day when I got home.

My wife still laughs that my falling down steps sounded like a car accident...
I don't find it nearly as funny.

Be careful out there folks, it's slippery!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

Happy Valentines Day...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Happy Valentines Day Folks!

Still in the throws of my head cold, but I think I might be on the tail end...finally got a good nights sleep last night!

Mama Bear made me some of my favorite almond cookies for Valentines day! Thank you Babe!

Unfortunately I have to work tonight so we'll have to postpone Valentine's Dinner.

The romance of Valentines day reminds me of my first date with the woman that would become my wife.

We worked together at Perry Drugs, she in the office doing the paperwork for the drivers, me as a truck driver.

I had flirted with her off and on since she started there, but she had a boyfriend so nothing came of it.

We had a woman that worked at our warehouse that serviced the vending machines. Her name was Mary. She was there all day and quickly became friends with all the women that worked in the offices, as well as with the drivers.

One day after returning from a run, I was in the break room finishing up my logbook when Mary came in and set down with me at the table. We exchanged small talk for a while when Mary said:

"If I knew somebody that wanted to go out with you, would you want to know?"

"Well," I replied "that would depend on who it is..."

"What if I said it was Kathy, the girl that does your paperwork?!?"

"Doesn't she have a boyfriend?" I asked.

"Not for a while now..."

"I don't know Mary, I really tried to talk to her at the Christmas party, and she didn't seem very interested to me..."

"Things change, you should ask her out, I mean if you want to."

Well, of course I wanted too...I had after all been flirting with her, so off I went to give it a whirl.

I came upon her filling the drivers order pouches.

"Hi Kathy, big loads tomorrow?"

"No, not too bad...about normal"

"That's good. Hey I was wondering, if you're not busy Friday night...would you like to go out for dinner and a movie?"

"No thanks, I don't date people I work with...but thanks for asking."

I was gonna go kill Mary!!!

"Oh, um OK...Well if you change your mind..."

So I went back to finish up my paperwork, and thank Mary for setting me up to embarrass myself!

I was just getting ready to punch out when I felt someone walk up behind me, thinking it was someone else punching out I sidestepped out of the way.

"Joe?"

I turned and there was Miss Kathy.

"If the offer's still open, I would like to go out with you Friday night..."

"Of course it is, I'm glad you changed your mind" I said.

We exchanged phone numbers, agreeing to pick her up about 7pm on Friday.

We had a very nice time, talked just a little work...not too much, the movie slips my mind, but we had a nice dinner. Well I did anyway, she didn't want to eat in front of me....guess that's a girl thing.

She even pretended not to notice too much when the straw of my Long Island Iced Tea caught on the sleeve button of my sport coat, tipping it over! With catlike reflexes I was able to save most of it from hitting the floor.... by catching it in my lap! 

Hey, I never said I was graceful!

I took her home, and was rewarded with a stellar "Goodnight" kiss.

The next day, feeling pretty good about the date, I stopped into the local florist.
Ordered up a dozen roses, replete with babies breath and this card:

Kathy,

I had a great time last night!

Hope we can do it again soon.

Joe

Thinking I had just made a nice, grand romantic gesture...

Except she avoided me at work for the next 2 weeks...

Had I somehow misinterpreted how the date went???

I did finally find out what was up....seems no one had ever sent her flowers before and she didn't  quite know how to respond.

Well, it all worked out in the end...been married 26 years now!

I hope someone makes a grand romantic gesture for you this Valentines Day!

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

I can't get away with ANYTHING!

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

Uggggh! Day two of the head cold...stage: full sinus blockage!

With Valentines Day swiftly approaching, I'm reminded that I would make a terrible criminal!

Not because of poor planning, I can figure most eventualities and have alternate plans to compensate for unexpected outcomes.

Nor would it be due to poor execution of said plans, I tend to be cool and level headed, think fast on my feet...a regular James Bond.

No what my downfall has always been is just plain dumb luck! Or more precisely, the lack there of.

That and the blatant stupidity of coconspirators.

Example:

Right after we bought our house, our Anniversary was coming up. We had been looking at dining room tables as we now suddenly found ourselves with a "Dining Room". 

We loved this green marble table at a local furniture store, but Kathy felt it was a little too pricey. I wanted to get her that table...

So I got out of work a little early, went to the store and put it on lay-a-way, I figured I could have it paid off by our Anniversary and have it delivered as a big surprise. 

I told my salesman my plan, with ABSOLUTE instructions NOT to EVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES call my house, ANNIVERSARY GIFT!!!! On the order sheet this was written under my phone number. 

I tried to set the delivery date right then, however the salesman explained that they would not set a delivery date until the table was paid in full. Not happy, I nonetheless agreed as he explained they only needed two days notice for delivery.

Satisfied with my stealth Anniversary purchase I made my way home, arriving at the exact time I normally would...flawless!

"How was work?" Kathy asked after the dog calmed down enough for conversation.

"Good," I said "had a light route, traffic was light...it was a beautiful day to drive."

"Did you stop anywhere on your way home?" She asked innocently. Should have known right then.

Making a show of looking at my watch, I said.

"No, I didn't...how would I have had time to stop anywhere and still be home on time?"

"I was wondering the same thing," she replied "but I just got off the phone with Gardener White and they said you forgot to set a delivery date for the marble table you just ordered!"

AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

Another time, Valentines Day...

Kathy had been looking at leather coats while we had been at the mall a couple of weeks earlier and had found one she really liked.

So I set in motion a plan to get it for her.

They were calling overtime right and left at the plant, so I had a little extra money in my pocket, and a perfect way to sneak off to get it.

So I called Kathy and told her they had called an hour overtime, again!!! And man was I pissed, getting tired of all this stinking overtime!!! Hehe! There WAS no overtime called that day!

So off I set to get to the mall, to make my purchase and get out and get home within an hour...no problem!

We'd had a little bit of a snowstorm so even if I was late, I had an easy out... "Oh babe, the roads were TERRIBLE up by Flint!"

So I get to the mall, walk into the store, walk directly to the rack of coats where I had surepticiously hidden the coat Kathy wanted "inside" the rack so it wouldn't be sold before I got back. It was exactly where I'd left it, took it to the counter, paid and was on my way all in under 20 min.!

So I stopped on my way home, got cards for Kathy, Katie, and my Mom...taking time to pick cards that said exactly what I wanted, and headed for home.

Right...on...time!

I would leave my purchases in the car, until such time I could sneak them into the house.

As I came in Kathy was sitting on the couch, watching the evening news...

"How are the roads?" She asked. She worked just 3 miles from home so she only saw two roads going to and from work.

"Not bad, I made good time..."

"So what did you go to the mall for???"

"Excuse me?" I asked "I didn't go to the mall...we worked an hour over, and I came straight home."

"That's funny," she said "I was sitting here watching the news, and they cut to a live report on the road conditions near the mall, and what do I see? My husband pull up the off ramp in his bright YELLOW car. He pulls up at the light, where I can clearly see it is him, before turning right to head into the mall!"

Arms crossed now.

"So again I ask, what did you go to the mall for that was so important you felt you had to lie to me about it?"

CRAP!!!

You see, perfect plan perfectly executed...yet busted anyway!!! How do you plan for a live news feed?!?

And she had to be watching the exact 2 min. of that segment!!! Pure dumb luck!!!

I can't get away with ANYTHING!

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

Blogger sick day?

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hello Folks!

I knew it was coming last night...

Drainage, scratchy throat, stuffy head, headache...yep, head cold!

Yuck!

It hasn't stifled the mind, just my will to write it down.

Have to head into work, after getting up later than normal...so I'm pressed for time as well.

I'll try a full blown post later...
If not, I've taken a blogger "sick day"! Lol!

Is that even a thing? If not I'm inventing it...please send all royalties to ursus405@gmail.com !!!

Hope YOU are all well!

Beastly Bear

Chasing 'em off 2....

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

This picture reminds me of something...

Yesterday I told you about Katie had friend Brandi in Myrtle Beach.

Well the next year when we went, Katie asked if her favorite cousin Jessica could come.

Jessica's family (my sister Anna and her husband Pat) normally would go "up north" camping over the fourth of July so we told her if it was ok with her parents we'd love to take her with us.

Jessie is almost 10 months younger than Katie and always a joy to have around, so when my sister agreed she could go, we all looked forward to taking her with us.

We always drive down, and in true teenager fashion the girls slept the whole trip down...about 14 hours.

So first day in Myrtle Beach is checking into our room, getting dinner, and a walk along the beach for tomorrow our vacation truly begins!

On the beach in front of our hotel, the lifeguards set up beach chairs and umbrellas that you can rent by the day/week. So first order of business was to pick our spot, and pay for our rentals. This is nice because the girls can wander the beach and always know exactly where to find us as we'd be in the same place everyday, all week.

So, first day...VERY first day.
We got up, had a small breakfast and headed for the beach. We all swam and luxuriated in the warm ocean currents for about an hour before heading up to our chairs for some serious sunbathing and reading(Me).

In general, I am not a sit in the sun kinda guy.
Usually I favor sitting in the shade, sipping an iced tea.
But there's just something about Myrtle Beach...the warm summer sun, a cool breeze blowing in off the ocean, the slight mist from the breaking waves...it's just heaven!

After a few hours the girls got restless and wanted to wander the beach. We agreed, just reminding them to stay ON the beach where there are plenty of eyes. So off they went.
On a boy hunt! Lol.

They made several trips, first heading north up the beach then turning around and passing us to head south.

They came back for lunch, just fries and mozzarella sticks from the open air bar/restaurant...as we call it a day about 4pm, head in for showers then do an early dinner out.

About 2pm they showed up, all excited.
"We met some boys," they announced."and they want us to hang out with them, can we?!?"
"Well," I said "I'm gonna have to meet them..."
They exchanged a "look"...uh oh.
"Ok, we'll go get them..."

So here they come, two bikini clad girls leading a couple of crows!
At least that's what they looked like...
Picture if you will on this sunny 90° beach,
Two numb nuts dressed identically in black high top sneakers, baggy black jeans "shorts" I guess we'll call them though they almost touched their ankles. Wallets on big silver chains. Black ribbed tank tops under black short sleeved button up shirts, left open. Several silver chains around their necks sporting skull motiff pendants. Topped off by dirty, greasy looking hair dyed pitch black, and artfully unkept. Good God.
"Mom, Dad, this is Steve and this is Dave."
They stood there, hands in their pockets staring at their feet.
"Hey guys, nice to meet you.." I said.
"Yeah, 'sup..." The taller of the two, Steve said
"Sup" echoed Dave.
Not the dreaded "sup" again? What the hell is wrong with these kids?!?
"You guys here on vacation?" I asked
"Naw, we live here..." Steve the spokesmen replied.
"What grade you guys in?"
"I would've been a senior and he would be a junior, but we don't go no more..."
"I see, you got jobs then?"
"Yeah, for the summer..." Said Steve.
"Well nice meeting you boys..." I'd heard enough.
"Yeah, m'kay" Steve gave a nod to Dave and they shambled off.

"Well?" Asked Jessica brightly.
I knew Jessica was the driving force behind this, my daughter certainly should have known better.

"Uh, I'm gonna have to go with a big 'No' on that girls."
"What? Why???" Jessie whined.
"Why? You really need to ask why? Let's start with how they're dressed...you got to be an idiot to wear that on the beach, and I know they where wearing it on the beach because I told you girls NOT to leave the beach, right?"
My daughter shot Jessie a look...
"Number two they're high school drop outs, which makes them 1) too old for you two and 2) losers!"
"They're in a band, that's why they're dressed like that...and a lot of people drop out of school!" Jessie countered.
"Oh, they're in a BAND!!! Then not just "no", HELL NO!
Look, I didn't drive you girls 700 miles to the beach to get you two AWAY from hip hop wannabe gangster rappers, or head banging metalheads to let you girls take up with a couple the very first damn day! Look up and down this beach...there are literally hundreds of guys! I suggest you keep looking..."

Well, that went over like a fart in church...
So they stomped off to break the news to the crows.

As they stomped off, Kathy said "Well she'll be calling her parents to complain about that!!!"
"Let her," I countered "they're 900 miles away, not like they're gonna come get her..."

Sure enough, about an hour later my sister called Kathy...laughing!
She told her how Jessie had called her Dad, hoping to persuade him to intercede with me on her behalf. 

He told her "When you're with Uncle Joe, what he says goes! And if he didn't like the looks of these guys, it's a safe bet I wouldn't either!!! So suck it up buttercup, do what you're told and mind your Uncle Joe!"

So when the girls got back, still petulently silent I asked "So, what'd your Dad say???"
Katie looked at Jessie and said "Told ya..."
She kinda smiled and said "He told me to trust your judgment, and do what I'm told...and not to call him bitching again." And that was that...

The next day they met up with Justin, a boy Katie had met the year before. His parents had a timeshare in the building next to ours. He was a little older, taking ROTC in school. A true southern gentleman from North Carolina...he was a "Yes Ma'am, no sir" kind of kid. We even liked his parents who ended up setting up next to us on the beach.

They quickly became the "three amigos" and spent the rest of the week together, Justin showing them around some of the local delights. Never worried once while they were with Justin...as he kept the Riff Raff away!

The crows forgotten, all was forgiven and Jessie had such a good time she ended up going with us the next year as well!

Jessie and I mugging for the camera on our balcony while watching the fireworks 4th. of July!

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear

Chasing 'em off...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hey Folks!

We used to head down to Myrtle Beach SC. every year for the week of the fourth of July.

I was off work anyway for the two week changeover shut down, so it was a nice leisurely vacation.

The first year we went as just our family, having rolled a friends wedding into our vacation plans.

But as a teenager, Princess Bear quickly lost interest in hanging with Mom and Dad so in subsequent years we let her bring someone.

Her first choice was her friend Brandi. (Yes the dreaded stripper "i")

Brandi and Kaitlin were 15 and 14 almost 15 respectively.

Katie looked her age...Brandi, was built like a stripper!

Already rocking the DD's they garnered more than their share of attention on the beach!

We stayed at the Caravelle resort, specifically at the St. Clements hotel. The beauty of this hotel is it sets right on the water. Walk out the hotel and it's less than a 50 yd. walk to the ocean.

There was a small open air bar/restaurant that sets right by the hotel entrance, on the beach!

One night about 10:30pm the girls announced they wanted to go down and get some French fries.

I told them "OK, let me throw on my sandals and we'll go."

"Daaaaaaaad, we want to go by ourselves!" Katie whined.

"Absolutely not! I'll take you down..."

"That's stupid, nothings going to happen to us..."

Getting lippy for her friends benefit.

"Look," I said, shutting her down "there are guys down there been drinking all day! You have to cross the parking lot where someone can snatch you two into a van and be gone before anyone knows what's happening! On top of that, Brandi's my responsibility while on vacation with us! Soooooo, either I go with you OR you can sit your little asses right in this room!"

Recognizing I was serious as a heart attack they exchanged a look, and nodded their grudging assent.

"I won't go in "with" you, but I am going. You girls go in first, I'll come in right behind you and take a seat.

No one has to know we're together, better?"

They agreed that sounded better.

So down we went...

The girls went in and got in line for food, I walked in went and took a seat at a table by the wall that separated the pool area from the beach.

I had just sat down when the first Romeo made his run...

"Hey girls, buy you a drink?"

"No thanks..." Brandi said.

"Awww come on, I'll get you something to drink and you can come over and sit with me and my buddies!"

"Umm, we're like 15 dude..."

"Oops, ok...sorry."

The girls gave me a look, I just smiled.

Enter Romeo #2, Italian...good looking, gold chain and horn. Looked like he stepped right out of "Jersey Shore".

"Hey girls...how you doin' ?" (I shit you not, he actually said that)

"Ok..." Katie fielded this one.

"Can I get youse sumptin ta drink?"

"We're only 15, well she's 15..." Pointing to Brandi.

"I'm only 14!" She said.

"Cool, cool...well have a good night!"

They rolled their eyes at me...

Enter Romeo #3 aka Juan Carlos

A little Hispanic guy, shorter than both the girls...no shirt, swim trunks hanging half off his ass. A buck twenty soaking wet, if that...

"Hey Chickas, how jew doing eh?"

"Good.." 

"Isn't it jess a beautiful night? Can I buy jew lovely ladies a drink?"

"I don't think so...we're 15"

"Heeeey, das hokay....I get jew girls a little 'boom-boom' and jew come party wit me eh?"

"Well as fun as that sounds, there's just one problem..."

"Dere's no problem chicka...we go party" he said doing a little hip grinding dance.

"Yeah there is....see...THAT is my Dad" Katie said pointing to me.

"Whoa....I see you chickas later..." And he disappeared into the crowd.

By this time they had their fries and we headed back to the room...I didn't say a word until the doors were closing on the elevator:

"Told ya..…."

Be Well!

Beastly Bear

Clueless...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

We all have that one relative...you know the one.
The one that's just clueless...yet absolutely certain in their cluelessness!

I'll not name names, though those of you that know my family will probably figure it out.

Christmas time:
A family get together was scheduled at my mothers home. Mom always made the holidays a big deal, lots of good food and decorations!

We'd had snow, and while the driveway was cleared there were still some slippery patches. The relative in question arrived and was walking up the driveway when she slipped on a patch of ice and went down on one knee. No real harm done, just a knot and a bruise.
The rest of the day she kept complaining of how much her knee hurt.

My mother, always the caretaker brought her a couple aspirin, and a glass of water.

"What are these?" Clueless asked.
"Aspirin" my mother answered.
"Mom," Clueless said with distain for my mothers obvious stupidity "I don't have a HEADACHE, my KNEE hurts!!!"
The room fell into stunned silence...
"What...?" She asked, still not getting it.

Another holiday, Thanksgiving this time:
Again at my mothers...big Thanksgiving spread.
We all brought a dish, but mom still went out of her way with pickle trays, olive trays, cheese trays, and croudette(veggies). 

As part of the veggie tray my mom always bought radishes in bunches and cleaned them herself.

Most times she'd take the tops off completely, along with the root.

This time, she left about a half inch of the tops attached to use as a handle for dipping.
Like this------>

Enter Clueless and her entourage. She bustles in, drops off her dish gives greeting all around before going to hang up her coat. The trays were set out so we could all knosh a little as we talked and waited for the big meal to be ready.

As Clueless made her way around the table, picking at this and that her attention fell to the radishes.

She picked one up, examined it closely, turning it this way and that like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen. Pulling at the greenery at the top, then trying to twist it before finally in exasperation asks:
"Ok Mom, how'd you do it?"
"Do what?"
"How'd you get the green onion to stay in the radish like that?!?"
Again, were it summer you'd have heard nothing but crickets...

There have been more over the years, but why belabor the point.

I find that there are rarely those so firm in their convictions, as those that really don't have a firm grasp of the world around them.

They are however, amusing to the rest of us...

I sometimes think my daughter got a little of this relatives DNA.

My daughter loves pickles!
Dill pickles, sweet pickles, bread and butter, even fried pickles!!! You name it she likes them.

I'm a big fan of Clausen's deli style pickles.

After emptying a jar, I thought I'd try making some pickled cauliflower. I cut up the flowerettes and packed them in the jar with the remaining pickle juice, and set them in the back of the fridge for 2 weeks.

Finally I was ready to try my creation.

As I got them out, I asked my daughter if she'd like to try one.
She wrinkled her nose and said "Ummm, I don't think so..."
"Why not?" I asked "Cauliflower, like cucumbers don't have a lot of flavor...that's why they take on the spices so well."

"Well, I don't like pickled cucumbers either!" She replied.

"What???"

"I've tried them and I...don't...like...them" she said slowly, because I'm kinda slow sometimes.

"But you LOVE pickles!" I said.

"Yeah, PICKLES.....not CUCUMBERS!!!"

"What do you think pickles are made out of? Pickled cucumbers!!! What did you think there was a "pickle bush" they get them off?!?"

"They are not..." Funny how even with 30 years more experience on this planet that I still know less than my daughter!

"Google it..." I said. This is my new response when people say something so profoundly wrong, I just can't keep my mouth shut!

"Oh My God!!!" I heard from the other room "No way!!!"

"Yep," I said. "you mean to tell me you never noticed how pickles and cucumbers look an awful lot like the same damn thing?"

Well, she was so gobsmacked by this information she started calling her friends...fully half of which also didn't know that.

Proof I suppose we are becoming too far removed from where our food comes from.

I thought perhaps this was a generational thing.

Until I was telling this story at a get together, and one of the audience members at my table confessed that she too was unaware of that fact.

This is a professional woman in her 40's! 
That earns a six figure salary traveling the world for her Japanese auto manufacturing employer!

Maybe in her family she's "that one".....

Well folks, those are my Sunday morning ramblings.

Be Well!

Beastly Bear