Den of the Beastly Bear
Uggggh! Day two of the head cold...stage: full sinus blockage!
With Valentines Day swiftly approaching, I'm reminded that I would make a terrible criminal!
Not because of poor planning, I can figure most eventualities and have alternate plans to compensate for unexpected outcomes.
Nor would it be due to poor execution of said plans, I tend to be cool and level headed, think fast on my feet...a regular James Bond.
No what my downfall has always been is just plain dumb luck! Or more precisely, the lack there of.
That and the blatant stupidity of coconspirators.
Right after we bought our house, our Anniversary was coming up. We had been looking at dining room tables as we now suddenly found ourselves with a "Dining Room".
We loved this green marble table at a local furniture store, but Kathy felt it was a little too pricey. I wanted to get her that table...
So I got out of work a little early, went to the store and put it on lay-a-way, I figured I could have it paid off by our Anniversary and have it delivered as a big surprise.
I told my salesman my plan, with ABSOLUTE instructions NOT to EVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES call my house, ANNIVERSARY GIFT!!!! On the order sheet this was written under my phone number.
I tried to set the delivery date right then, however the salesman explained that they would not set a delivery date until the table was paid in full. Not happy, I nonetheless agreed as he explained they only needed two days notice for delivery.
Satisfied with my stealth Anniversary purchase I made my way home, arriving at the exact time I normally would...flawless!
"How was work?" Kathy asked after the dog calmed down enough for conversation.
"Good," I said "had a light route, traffic was light...it was a beautiful day to drive."
"Did you stop anywhere on your way home?" She asked innocently. Should have known right then.
Making a show of looking at my watch, I said.
"No, I didn't...how would I have had time to stop anywhere and still be home on time?"
"I was wondering the same thing," she replied "but I just got off the phone with Gardener White and they said you forgot to set a delivery date for the marble table you just ordered!"
Another time, Valentines Day...
Kathy had been looking at leather coats while we had been at the mall a couple of weeks earlier and had found one she really liked.
So I set in motion a plan to get it for her.
They were calling overtime right and left at the plant, so I had a little extra money in my pocket, and a perfect way to sneak off to get it.
So I called Kathy and told her they had called an hour overtime, again!!! And man was I pissed, getting tired of all this stinking overtime!!! Hehe! There WAS no overtime called that day!
So off I set to get to the mall, to make my purchase and get out and get home within an hour...no problem!
We'd had a little bit of a snowstorm so even if I was late, I had an easy out... "Oh babe, the roads were TERRIBLE up by Flint!"
So I get to the mall, walk into the store, walk directly to the rack of coats where I had surepticiously hidden the coat Kathy wanted "inside" the rack so it wouldn't be sold before I got back. It was exactly where I'd left it, took it to the counter, paid and was on my way all in under 20 min.!
So I stopped on my way home, got cards for Kathy, Katie, and my Mom...taking time to pick cards that said exactly what I wanted, and headed for home.
I would leave my purchases in the car, until such time I could sneak them into the house.
As I came in Kathy was sitting on the couch, watching the evening news...
"How are the roads?" She asked. She worked just 3 miles from home so she only saw two roads going to and from work.
"Not bad, I made good time..."
"So what did you go to the mall for???"
"Excuse me?" I asked "I didn't go to the mall...we worked an hour over, and I came straight home."
"That's funny," she said "I was sitting here watching the news, and they cut to a live report on the road conditions near the mall, and what do I see? My husband pull up the off ramp in his bright YELLOW car. He pulls up at the light, where I can clearly see it is him, before turning right to head into the mall!"
"So again I ask, what did you go to the mall for that was so important you felt you had to lie to me about it?"
You see, perfect plan perfectly executed...yet busted anyway!!! How do you plan for a live news feed?!?
And she had to be watching the exact 2 min. of that segment!!! Pure dumb luck!!!
I can't get away with ANYTHING!
Be Well Folks!
Be Well Folks!