Monday, March 10, 2014

Girls night out...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Years ago when I was bouncing to help supplement my meager income, I became well accustomed to dealing with drunks!

Mid eighties the rules were a little different...once while working for the court system I saw a fellow who had been stopped on 12 previous occasions for drinking and driving. The judge was about to suspend his license for 90 days, when the guy plead for clemency...

"Your Honor, if you take my license how will I get to work? I'll lose my job!!!"

So the judge gave him a $200 dollar fine and told him the next time he would suspend his license 6 months AND give him 90 days in jail to get right!

Anyway...dealing with the guys was always a balancing act to be just stern enough to make them comply, yet not so much that they'd want to fight. Should you get them there, THEN you needed to convince them fighting you was a no win situation, mostly it work...sometimes it didn't. But hey, that's the life of a bouncer right?

Now the Ladies on the other hand, almost never wanted to fight. That is until you told them that no matter how good their proposition would not be leaving with them. As dear old Dad once told me... 

"The surest way to make an enemy of a woman is to turn it down when it's offered!"

So one Friday night a group of women in their mid to late thirties come in...already a little stoned, led by a boisterous good looking blonde.

I was working the door...

"Hey handsome," she says "I got some girlfriends in from out of town for a wedding, we're fresh from rehearsal and ready to have a "Girls night out!" THIS the place?!?"

"It sure is Ma'am, I hope you and your friends have a great time!" 

"We'll see, " She said patting my chest "Oooh, strong! I'll be back later..." She gave me a wink and they melted into the crowd.

It was May, the weather had turned and it was a beautiful night...which meant we were busy!

Which also meant I was tied to the door, unless there was trouble...

Every half hour or so the Blonde would be back:

"Hey Handsome, how about a dance?"

"I'd love to Ma'am, but I really can't leave the door..."

"Humph!" She'd pout, and head back to her friends.

The more she came up, the drunker she was...the drunker she was the "handsier" she got!

One time, while running her fingers through my hair she whispered in my ear "You know you're the handsomest man in here, right?"

Now I was sure she was drunk!!!  ;-)

By closing time I'd had my neck kissed, my ear nibbled, my ass grabbed and I was convinced the VERY next time she came up her hand was going down my pants....

Luckily for me her friends bustled her, protesting, past me with a last "We never got to dance.."and off into the night they went. 

The waitresses and manager had a lot of laughs at my expense as we closed...describing the shades of red I'd turned and speculating on whether she was waiting for me in the parking lot...they might have to walk ME to My car!!! Hardey, Har har...

The term "Cougar" had not been invented then...though if you look in the dictionary, her picture likely appears under that heading!

The next day I had a wedding to attend. The girl I'd been seeing off and on for the last few years was in one of her High school friends' wedding and had asked me to be her date.

The girls got to the church way early so I was to meet her there closer to the time of the wedding.

When I got there, the church was filling up fast...I went and found her to tell her I was there, gave her a kiss and took my seat.

When the "I Do's" were said, and the reception line formed, I made my way to congratulate my gal's friend.

I didn't know Chris well, had only met her a handful of times.
I'd gotten the impression they'd been JR. High "Besties" that had drifted apart some in High School. They'd gone to different colleges as well. My gal took me by the hand to introduce me to Chris's new husband and to her parents.

"Joe, This is Bill." I shook his hand "And these are Chris's parents Mr. and Mrs."Smith", Mr. & Mrs. "Smith" my boyfriend Joe Ormerod."

"Hi Handsome!!!! Oh honey, we've already met!!!" 

Holy SHIT it was the Blonde from the night before. Was it getting hot in here??? 

"I'll bet I get that dance tonight!" she said and gave me a wink.

As we walked away my girlfriend said "What was THAT all about?"

I said "Remember this morning I was telling you about the REALLY forward drunk woman last night?"


I just nodded my head in Mom's direction, My gals eyes went wide...
"No WAY!" She said "Chris's MOM?!?!"


"Oh My God...they asked me to go with them last night, I didn't know where they were going!!!"

I'm not sure she 100% believed me. Until, about half way through the reception Mom sashayed over to our table and set down next to me.

Draping an arm across the back of my chair, she leaned across me to talk to my girlfriend, making sure I had a clear view down the inside of her dress. I made sure there were no open flames near her...whew!

"Do you know what a lucky girl you are??? You have a Very handsome man here...and he must be quite fond of you..." She said. As she rose, she trailed her hand across my neck as she stood. 
"I'll get that dance yet!" she said as she moved off into the crowd.

My girls' mouth was hanging open...I didn't have to say a word.

"We're not staying late..." She said "tonight is THIS girls' "night out!"

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear


  1. OMG! I've heard of cougars before, but that story tops all I've heard.

    1. That she was! Lol...Seemed like she'd have been a lot of fun though! ;-)
      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by Himanshu!!! Good to see you!

  3. Hahahahaha! Wow! She was gonna' get her dance, wasn't she???

    1. I was told in no uncertain terms that I would NOT be dancing with her on the dance floor if I planned on doing other dancing later that night!

  4. OMG what a Ho! lmao You're right about women getting nasty if you turn them down. A bartender at the local Legion asked Russell out once. He said he'd go to the movies and dinner if she wanted but he wasn't interested in her 'that' way. She was really angry and called him a closeted homosexual. I hadn't heard this story yet when I met her. He introduced me as his girlfriend and she got a nasty look on her face and said to me, 'you know he's a closeted homo' and flounced off. I looked at Russell like WTF? And he took me aside and told me the story. She was clearly pissed off that he chose someone else over her! lol

    1. I got that once from a girl that I dated a couple of times...made out with a little, and she tells me she loves me! I said a couple dates was too soon to tell that for sure, which is why I wouldn't say it back. So she went around telling everyone we knew that I must be gay! I mean what other reason could there be?!? Right?!?

  5. Holy crap. I agree with JoJo. What a complete ho! Kind of funny you ran into her again!

    1. It might've been fun if she wasn't married!!! And my girlfriends' friends' mother!!!
      She was pretty!!! Had I known what a nut that girlfriend would turn out to be, it might have been better to exercise the "Nuclear option" right then and there...would have saved me a lot of heartache!

  6. Joe, I remember when you used to bounce, although I don't remember what bar you bounced for. This story is hilarious!! Thanks for sharing it!!

    1. Hey Suzie-Q !!! Wow, thanks for stopping in and reading my humble blog! It's good to see another friendly face!!! The bar was The Airway Lanes Lounge....
      Hope you and the family are doing well!!! Tell your Dad I said "Hello"... I still remember him reading us "James and the Giant Peach" as my 5th. grade teacher!