Sunday, March 23, 2014

Shopping Decathlon...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

Some of you may have noticed that I missed blogging yesterday, my apologies! Slept late, spent some QT with Mama Bear before work...thought I could knock one out at lunch, but it was not to be!

Today we went out to our favorite breakfast restaurant, and then some shopping.

We ran to a few different stores...and by the time we were done I was losing my mind.

Since when did buying things become such an interactive sport?!?

I remember fondly a day when a trip to the local store was as simple as "I would like to exchange this money, for these goods."

Now, buying ANYTHING is like running a decathlon!

First of all you head to the register...they have 20, but only 2 are open so the line is interminable! So after you've stood in line 15 mins. THEN they call more cashiers!!!

Now it's time to jump lines...and of course whichever line you pick you get behind "that" customer. 

You know the one that wants to put half on their credit card and write a check for the rest...

So finally it's your turn...

BEFORE they even start ringing you up...

"Hi, do you have a store card with us?"


"Would you like to sign up for one?"


"Would you like to open a charge card and save an additional 15% on your purchase?"


"May I ask why not?"

"Because I don't want one..."

"Oh, OK will this be it for you today?" I always want to say "No, I've got a few more things to grab that I thought of while spending all that time in line, can I just leave this here while I continue to shop?"
Of course this is it you ditz...ring me up already!


So the ring up begins...which takes longer because on top of ringing up your purchases she must bag as well in one of those revolving lazy Susan bag holders they installed to get rid of the bag boy.

Now it's time to pay...

Time to "jump down, turn around, give a dog a bone..."

"Cash, check, or charge?"
In case you're wondering, there is no "right" answer!
No matter what you choose get ready to jump through the hoops!

"Would you like to give us your mailing address to receive occasional coupons?"


"OK, just punch in your zip code..."


"Oh it's how we track where our customer base lives"


"Would you like to donate a $1 to St. Jude's Children's hospital?"


"American Cancer Society?"


"Alzheimer's Association?"


"Jerry's Kids?"


"Mmmmm OK..." Add judgmental look.

So I swipe my card...

*bing* Would you like cash back?


*bing* Is this amount correct?


*bing* We will charge your account this much, is that OK?

"Yes" God Dammit!!!

Thank you for your purchase, how would you like your receipt? Paper only, email only, Paper & email...

Oh for FUCKS SAKE!!! I just want to take my shit and leave!!!

THIS is why the checkout lanes back's no longer a simple exchange of money for goods.
It's now part interrogation, part inquisition, part sales pitch, and part charity benefit!!!

I have even had a cashier ask me if I wanted to open a Sears Charge AFTER I'd just paid with my Sears Card.
When they asked my why not, I said "Ummm cause I already have one and just used it?????"


Is it any wonder Internet shopping is on the rise?

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear


  1. OMG...this made me laugh because it is so true! Usually when I got shopping if they have a self- check out lane..I am there! One time though this one dingbat took over a 1/2 hour to ring up her stuff because she read every single label before AND after she rang up, then read a few magazines, took off her coat, stretched, asked for assistance...then went through a huge pile of coupons...reading and swiping. After she took off her coat to stay a while my kids and I noticed a big ass stink bug crawling up her back. She was oblivious! HAHAHAHAHA! Loved this post Joe. You so rock! ♥

  2. Thanks Kathy, glad you enjoyed it!
    Yeah when she took her coat off AT the checkout you should have known you'd be there a while!!! Hahaha

  3. My friend Dave reminded me about the mile long receipt!!! I forgot all about that!!! AND "Don't forget to take our survey at the bottom of the receipt, just go to the website, enter your transaction number then the store number at the top which I took the liberty of circling for you. You could win a $500 shopping card!"

  4. Yep, just pee'd a little. I go grocery shopping on almost all occassions with two active little boy, 5 and 10 years old. I have been known to tell the cashier just get me checked out of here NOW! I want to end this adventure as soon as humanly possible. This is usuall punctuated by my 5 year old hanging from some sort of store fixture.

    Thanks for a good chuckle Joe!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it Jen! With 2boys, I'll bet you ARE ready by the time you hit checkout!!!

  5. YES!!!! THIS!!!!!!! What the hell is up with this????? I go up the damn wall with it too. And don't get me started on those 'lazy susans'. Both Russell & I have walked out of Wallyworld w/o something b/c of that damn spinning thing. Now at the end of my transaction it's MY turn to interrogate. "Are these all my bags? Are you sure? All my stuff is here?"

    1. We've done the same JoJo! I think it's a conspiracy, whereby they pad their profit by selling things twice!!! You forget it, they restock it and sell it again! Evil genius bastards!!! Lol

  6. I hate those lazy susan things and spin 'em round n' round to make sure they give me everything I pay for because so often they don't! If we could have groceries delivered up here on the mountain we'd never have to go to town because everything else we CAN get on line! Excellent post. I think we all share this headache!

    1. Me too! We have walked off without stuff more than once!!!
      Thank you MiMi! ;-)