Thursday, March 13, 2014

The struggle continues

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

I'm a little pushed for time today, so I'll try to be brief!

A lot of you are going through struggles with your weight, hopefully you're keeping up that new years resolution!

I feel your pain!
I've struggled almost my whole life with being heavy, to downright fat! Yeah, I said the "F" word...
It cracks me up when someone wants to argue with you and they pull out the "fat ass" card....REALLY?
You think that bothers me?!? Like I didn't know...I've wandered around my whole life an never realized until YOUR laser sharp insight brought it to my attention?

I graduated high school in 1981 at 255 lbs. at 5'11" tall.
While that may sound big to you, I was quite solid...wearing 36" in pants, and XXL shirts...not for the belly but for chest and shoulders.

Fast forward to 2003...still solid and "strong like bull" but with WAY to much padding over that hardbody!
When I blew my knee out at work, between time off my feet, anti inflammatory steroids, and eating like I was still working I put on even MORE weight. I didn't know how much though as our scale topped out at 300lbs. and I'd been pegging that bad boy for YEARS...

Our friend Jenny called us in a panic, her dog Molly had gotten into the rhubarb! 

If you didn't know rhubarb leaves are poisonous to dogs!

Molly was too big for Jenny to move or carry so she called us. We took Molly to the emergency Vet and I carried her in.

"How much does Molly weigh?" The girl behind the counter asked.

"I...I don't know.." Jenny said "just please help her!"

"We need to know how much she weighs so we know how much medication to give her...sir, step on that floor scale and we'll weigh you both, we'll take Molly, then weigh you to get her weight." She offered.

"How high does the scale go?" I asked

"500 lbs." She said.

I stepped up, Molly still in my arms...the weight was recorded and I laid Molly on a gurney to go back.

Then I stepped back on the scale.

As the numbers settled I heard soft gasps behind me as Jenny and my wife saw the number 387.8 lbs.!

Kathy and Jenny had been doing Weight Watchers to good effect. I told Kathy when I started back to work in July I would work the program with her but I wasn't going to no damn meetings!

In the first two months I dropped 60 lbs. !!! I only knew that as I had a Dr.s appointment and got weighed before...
I mean, I thought my clothes were looser but put it down to wishful thinking!

By Christmas I was down 80...

I used to take Kathy to her meetings on Thursday night, wait in the car and read until she was done and then we'd go out for dinner.

One night she brought the woman that ran the meetings out to meet me, she had told her of how well I was doing and she'd wanted to meet me.

Long story short she talked me into coming to meetings as there were few men and she wanted me to show them it worked.

Once I was below 300 lbs. my doctor allowed me to join a gym and start working out...more about THAT another day.

In eighteen months I dropped 153 lbs. was down to 34" pants (from 58") and XL/XXL shirts depending on manufacturer.

This is Kathy and I at a friends wedding.

She had lost 65 lbs. herself, we were stylin'.

At 234 lbs. I still had not reached my personal goal of getting below 200!

It was around this time at one of our meetings that an older gentleman had reached his goal weight, and maintained it for a month.

We always celebrated when someone reached their goal, part of the benefit of "going" was the support and motivation, sharing recipes and such.

Now no one ever knows what anyone else weighs, what their goal is, or where they started. But if someone did particularly well they may announce:
"Mary lost 7 lbs. this week!!!"

So when you reach goal, you are invited to speak to the class if you'd like.

So this fella, we'll call him up to address the class. Bill was in his late sixties or very early seventies.
To look at the man you would never suspect he'd ever had a weight problem. At 5'8" he probably weighed 135-140.

He spoke at length about his "lifelong" struggle with weight. How until he started here he had never been able to shed the excess weight that had "ruined" his life, how he wished he had done this 50 years ago.
He thanked us profusely for our help and support in this struggle, and that he'd never have been able to do it without us...he choked up. Around the room tears were falling... What an inspiration!

"Yes...without you. I'd never have been able to drop those 25 lbs. that have plagued me my whole life!"

Wait a minute...wait a GOD DAMN minute! Did he just say twenty-five pounds? TWENTY-FIVE FUCKING POUNDS?!?!? I LOST 25 POUNDS IN MY LEFT ARM! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

His whole life he's SUFFERED over 25 lbs?!?!?

You piece of shit!!! I was LIVID!!!

You wanna talk suffer asshole, try waiting in line at Cedar Point for an hour to ride a rollercoaster only to find out you don't fit in the seat! Then have to get off and take the walk of shame in front of a couple hundred people that know you're too fucking fat to ride the ride!!! Try not being able to run fast enough to get your daughters kite in the air and see the disappointment in her eyes!!! That is suffering!!! 
You self important, narcissistic ass hat!!!

(Not that I am in ANY way comparing being fat to say, having cancer so you can stop the "You don't know TRUE suffering" comments and emails right now!)

I wanted to kick his ass...and as I looked around the room, the mood had definitely shifted...I wasn't the only one! Realizing he'd lost his audience Bill wisely chose to sit down and shut up!

I never did reach my goal. Change of jobs brought increased stress, decreased activity...since 2006 because of a lack of dedication on my part I'm back up to 267...

How could I let that happen you ask?
To have come so far...

I have no excuse. Though from experience I will tell you it goes back on a hell of a lot faster than it comes off. Now at 51 it's that much harder.

So for all you can be done! And once done, never relent!

Ok, this went longer than intended...I do ramble so!

Be Well, and keep at it!

Beastly Bear


  1. You and your wife did a great job losing!!!! I too have struggled with it my whole life but I can't but think if my mom didn't harp on it day in and day out, putting me on reduced calorie diets (which ruined my metabolism b/c I was still in elementary school) it wouldn't have been an issue. I look at pics of when I was a kid and teen and wonder why I thought, and she thought, I was fat. I am very grateful that my guy is a chubby chaser. He thinks I'm really hot the way I am. He's a big guy too...6'3" and was 250 at graduation in 1980. He got up over 300 a few years ago but now fluctuates b/t 255 and 270. My problem is that I eat healthy but I absolutely despise exercise.

    1. I went up and down trying to "fix" myself for years...I need to buckle down and get it off again!

  2. Sigh...back in the day when we were motivated! I wish we could all do that again. I think I remember that guy at Weight Watchers and being disgusted! Really? 25 pounds?

    I had forgotten about you having to carry Molly into the vet's office for me! Too funny!

    1. What are you talking about Jenn? You still look great!!!
      How could you forget poor Molly, poor baby was soooo sick!!!

  3. I have a history of eating disorders. I was anorexic when I gave birth to my oldest and not much better when my daughter came around. I was skeletal and the drs. threatened other feeding methods but my husband still said I was fat. After our divorce I maintained a comfortable weight for years. My cancer brought weight loss and weight gain. I equated losing weight to being sick and finally got over that and then put on a few more pounds and then a few more and now with recent back issue, I thought enough of this bullshit. I've lost almost 10lbs., most of it water but I'm still moving right along. I think my avg. weight loss is about 3lbs. a week. This awesome weather is helping greatly. I can live outside again. As much as I love winter, I hate the idea of so much time spent indoors.

    1. It's horrible when guys do that to their girls! I'm sorry you were put through that MiMi.
      Glad you are more comfortable in your own skin these days!
      Keep up the good work, and enjoy the weather outside...moving helps the losing a lot!