Monday, January 20, 2014

Express? Really???

Den of the Beastly Bear

Howdy Folks!

Today's rant is for the ladies.

Yes, that's me lurking behind you in the express line at the supermarket. I'm the guy standing there with a $5 bill, and 1-2 items in his hand that he discovered at the last minute he needed for dinner.

Which one are you...standing there in the "15 items or less line" before me?

Are you the woman with half a shopping cart, counting your 10 cans of cat food, 2 packs of diapers, and 12 "Lean Cuisine's" as 1 item each along with your other 12 items?!?
Then, "Oh wait, did I give you my Kroger card?!?"

Or the woman with the coupons! For every...single...item. Then arguing over whether you're due double or triple value. And "Hey, Walmart has this for 20¢ cheaper price match, right?"

Or perhaps you are the woman with the cup of yogurt, pint of milk, and a banana that waits until AFTER the cashier tells you "That'll be $2.75" 
To START digging into that "suitcase" of a purse for your checkbook. To write a check....for $2.75!!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me???

And then...THEN you remember you also need cigarettes!
"I'm sorry, can I start over?" rrrriiiiiippppp!

Why is consideration for others so unusual these days?

When I'm in line with a cartload, and you get in line behind me with your few items do I not always allow you ahead of me? That is courtesy, that is consideration.

So yes that's me behind you, rolling my eyes and giving the heavy sighs.
No, it is NOT because I am impatient.
Rather, it is at your complete and utter lack of common sense, courtesy, and consideration.

Here are some thoughts: 

  • Whilst standing in line get organized, you are performing a task. 
  • Remind yourself to ask for cigarettes FIRST 
  • Get your checkbook out(better yet get a debit card)
  • Start filling that check out! Guess what? You're in line, the store name isn't going to change! Your name, unless you're in the witness protection program SHOULD be easy enough to remember, sign it!
  • Get your damn store card out!
  • If you don't have a store card, get out your drivers license/ID...they WILL be asking for it!
I offer these as helpful alternatives to:

  • Picking lint off your coat/clothes
  • Checking the state of your nail polish
  • Checking your hair for split ends
  • Applying/checking your makeup
  • Reading the National Enquirers (pssst! It's all fake!)
  • Checking your texts/tweets/emails/Instagrams put the damn phone down!

For those of you this does not apply to...

Thank You!

Really, I'm not that beastly until people make me that way!

To lighten things up, this does remind me of a joke:

A drunk gets in line behind a young woman at the grocery store.
As he stands there swaying in line, he watches her unload her cart: a quart of milk, a loaf of bread, small can of tuna, 2 onions, 3 bananas, 2 apples and a tub of yogurt.
The young woman notices him looking when he says
"I'll bet you're single aren't you?"
"Wow," she said, "you can tell that just by what I'm buying?"
"Naw," slurred the drunk "you're fuckin ugly!!!"

Be Well Folks!

Beastly Bear


  1. Okay, your joke is horrible but funny. - And let me be the first to tell you that I too am that person who allows others in front of her if they only have one or two items because I KNOW I have more and I KNOW my check out may not be at all speedy, depending on the cashier and how well she knows her job BUT one thing I know for certain, I am ALWAYS organized if I have coupons or am price matching, etc., hell, I even organize things in my cart to make it easier for the cashier and to hopefully make things run smoothly and as speedy as possible not only for me, because I sure as hell don't want to be in line any longer than I have to, but also for those behind me. And of course, it never fails.. I get stuck behind those same idiots that you do who wait til the last minute to get their shit together but unlike you, I actually say something to them. It's beyond inconsiderate and even though they may have all day to stand at the check out, I do not, and certainly not behind some dumb ass. And to think they're going to leave the store and get into a vehicle..

    1. I don't have the luxury of saying something, when you're already a big, imposing guy you come off as a bully and a jerk!

  2. Oh dude. I could so totally have ranted this exact same thing. It drives me batshit crazy. The old people and their questioning of every price. "I thought it was...? The ad said....?" I have always let the person with 2 things go ahead of me and it only burned me once. I have always been ready to pay and use my rewards card, and/or coupons. I'll even help bag while she's ringing it up.

    1. Lol JoJo, I didn't even include the seniors...I didn't want this to turn into a novella! Or the people that wander the aisles taking up both sides by going right down the middle, looking like they're lost and aren't sure how they got there!

  3. I used to work in a grocery store and I totally KNOW where you are coming from. Back in the day there was nothing that pissed me off more than someone coming through Express with a cart load of groceries. Last weekend I was in line waiting for this chick in the "any amount you want" do it yourself line for 32 minutes as she read the ingredients on every single package she was buying, before and after, she scanned it, then she even had the balls to gaze around at random and literally read a story in one of those tabloids you mentioned before deciding NOT to buy it. Seriously?? I was growing old as I waited and like JoJo went bat shit crazy in the process! LOL If I go through the express, I have my shit together, coupons and cash in hand and ready to rock and roll. It is just RUDE not too.

  4. OMG Kathy, then you TOTALLY know what I'm talking about! I NEVER get in a self checkout lane behind someone with a full cart!!! That's sure to take 2-3 times as long EASY!!! Thanks for dropping in!

  5. This shit drives me crazy too. And how about the one checking out who has sent her hubby back for an item they forgot and now can't pay because he hasn't returned and he also has the money. Pfffffffft.

    1. If that ever happens with us, I let Kathy pay...I go get the item and go through the express lane with whatever we forgot!!!