Saturday, January 25, 2014

Fast food, slow minds...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Morning Folks!

Today I turn my twisted mind to Fast Food, and some of the slow minds I have encountered in my attempts to purchase the same!

For over 15 years I drove a truck, a Semi to be precise, first for the now defunct Perry Drugs Corp. then later for General Motors.
So I have had a fast food meal or two.

The first encounter with the "Duh brigade" I'd like to recount happened on a beautiful spring Monday morning in the town of Flat Rock, Mi.
I was driving for Perry's at the time and had arrived a little early to the store I was to deliver to. Knowing I had time, I pulled around the building to the early morning glow of those golden arches!
It was a little after 6am and some of the locals were already in place enjoying their McWhatever. I walked up to the counter and a bright eyed attractive young woman asked me what I'd like. I ordered, she gave me my total($5.18), and I handed her a $10 bill.
I watched her hit the one, then 00, then 00 again...or $100!!!
The drawer kicked open, she put my $10 in the appropriate slot and only then glanced at the amount of change to make. Figuring surely she would catch her mistake I said nothing...until she started counting out my $94.82!
"Excuse me," I said politely "I only gave you a ten."
She looked at me confused...
"No you gave me a hundred!"
"Believe me, I don't have so many hundred dollar bills that I forget where I spend them."
Now she gets I'm trying to pull a scam of some type.
"The machine says you gave me a $100!"
"What possible motive could I have for lying to you??"
"I don't know..." She said
"Look," I said as patiently as possible "what do you do with the hundred dollar bills when you get them?"
"I put them under the drawer" She said, still suspicious
"Ok, look under the drawer, I'm like what your 4th. or 5th. customer today? If there is a hundred dollar bill under there I'll take my money and my food and go. If not, just give me my $4.82 and we'll call it good. Deal?"
"OK" she said and lifted the drawer....guess what? No $100 bill!
"Oh my God," she gushed "Thank you! I'd have been fired for saved my job!"
Yes I thought, but for how long...

Next we travel to KFC, surely things will go better here...right?
A crisp fall day, and I am chaperoning my wife and her friend on a shopping trip...scaring off muggers and toting bags! We stop in for lunch, the ladies order first...then it is my turn. I order my meal and a large drink. The dull eyed, listless girl gives me my total of $19.30!
I pay her and she begins assembling our order, drinks first. She brings the girls two medium sodas but says to me "I'm sorry sir, we're all out of large cups."
"That's ok," I say "just give me a medium and a small and we'll call it good."
"I can't do that sir, we use our cups for inventory control..."
"Alright then just give me a medium pop."
So she takes our bill, re-rings everything exactly the same because she's looking right AT the receipt and say "Ok, you owe me $.19"
"What?" I ask "How is that possible if the medium pop is $.30 cheaper than the large pop I already paid you for??? How can I owe you nineteen cents?!?"
"Well that's what the machine says..."
"Well obviously the machine is wrong, I'm not giving you another cent!"
"But sir you owe $.19, if you don't pay I can't give you your food."
I am starting to lose my cherub like demeanor at this point...
"I want to talk to your manager!"
"I'm sorry sir, he's not here..."
"Well where the hell is he???"
"He's across the street getting lunch at Wendy's..."
"Figures!" I said
At this point my wife steps in, recognizing the Beastly Bear is about to put in an appearance and says "Just pay her, it's not worth it...and you're just wasting your breath."
*heavy, heavy sigh*
 "Fine!!!" I hand her two dimes, she rings it in and goes to give me my penny change.
"Keep it," I said "consider it a tip!"

Last but not least, was a trip to Burger King in Waterford. A hot July day, my best buddy and I whipped in for lunch on a Saturday afternoon. As we stood, perusing our options a woman in line ahead of us placed her order.
"I'd like a chicken sandwich with no mayonnaise, an order of onion rings, and a medium coke"
Now this was back when Burger King still had the microphones on the flexible stalks that they used to call back specialty orders. Our perky little blonde haired, blue eyed waitress turned on the mic and called back "I need a chicken sandwich with just lettuce..." 
Our intrepid patron paid, took her food and went to sit down.
My buddy placed his order and paid, and as I stepped up to order the woman returned.
"Um, I'd like to see the manager please." She said setting the box of her sandwich on the counter.
The manager appeared and courteously asked how he could help.
"Take a look at my sandwich please..."
The manager opened the box, and lifted the bun.
"OK....Where is the chicken?" He asked.
"My point exactly." She replied.
The manager turned back to his staff, raised his voice enough to be heard and asked "Who's working specialty sandwiches?"
A young, thin, dark skinned black man of about 5'4" and slightly buck toothed stepped forward...his name tag read "Leroy"
"Yo....I is!" Hand to God folks, that's what he said!!!
"Where is the meat for this chicken sandwich Leroy?"
"Yo see axed fo a chicken sammich wit jus lettuce....
Dat what see got!!!"
There was a stunned silence, we all just looked at one another...
"What?" asked Leroy confussed "What?!?"
The manager hung his head a moment, then made an executive decision.
"Get your shit, punch out and go home you're fired!!!"
"You're obviously too fucking stupid to work here... Go!!!" the manager responded, pointing towards the back.
In a bit of a snit Leroy removed his apron, muttering under his breath as he disappeared into the back.
As a new sandwich was prepared for the woman, amidst profuse apologies by the manager, I just couldn't resist:
"I wonder..." I said musing "What IS the difference between a chicken sandwich with just lettuce, and a ham and cheese with just lettuce?"
"About 50¢" my buddy deadpanned.
The waitress giggled...the woman chuckled...
The manager was NOT amused...

Here's hoping you have a great Saturday!   :-)

Be Well!

Beastly Bear


  1. Saturday morning smile! KatW

  2. amazing some people still have jobs...

  3. Wow. It's a scary thought that these people are the 'future of America' and our world.

    1. Enough to make you want to run and hide doesn't it JoJo!

  4. I love your response to the first girl, "What possible motive could I have for lying to you??" Hahahahaha! And it's scary how many LeRoy's there actually are in this world! Great post. I laughed all the way thru it!

    1. I know, right? And this was in Flat Rock...a sleepy little town! Not some big Metropolitan area where someone's always working an angle!