Den of the Beastly Bear
I have a confession to make, and I'm not proud of it...
Many of you that know me already know, but are too polite to bring it up.
The fact is, I'm prejudiced!
I try not to be, I really do! I know it's not PC (as I am one of the least PC people you will ever meet) and I do try to adhere to conventional social mores. But this prejudice is so ingrained in me I can't keep it from showing!
I do not want to work with them, and I refuse to include them in my social networks. I don't want them moving into my neighborhood, I won't let my kid play with theirs. I don't want my daughter dating one, let alone marrying one! If I see one coming I avoid them at all costs. They should not be allowed to go to school with our children, or eat in our restaurants! I fully believe in segregation, to keep them away from the rest of us.
Is this "Hate Speech"? You bet your ass it is!!!
Oh wait, I didn't explain which "group" of...well I guess "technically" they're people, I so disdain.
It's the North American Asshole!
The problem with Asshole's is that they know they're hated and so most are "in the closet". I have even had friends, some for years...and I never knew they were Assholes! Once I found out, the friendship was over.
How can you identify an Asshole?
While driving it's easy...
On the expressway:
While driving with the cruise set, the Asshole will creep up on your bumper, pass you as if furious you are only driving 10 miles over the speed limit, then once in front of you will slow down. Enough so that you, cruise still set will have to pass them. This then, recharges the Asshole into passing you again. Wash, rinse, repeat.... I have had an Asshole do this to me the full 30 miles of my commute to work!
You can also identify the Asshole by:
- Driving 20mph BELOW the speed limit in the passing lane.
- Crossing from the passing lane across ALL lanes to hit their exit at the last possible second.
- Crawling so far up your ass they can tell what your last meal was, when there are two free lanes in which they could pass you.
- Assholes recognize each other, and sometimes run in "packs"! You can identify a pack of Assholes as generally they'll be driving 3 abreast, blocking ALL lanes of traffic...and driving under the speed limit.
- Borrowing your pickup to haul something, returning it with the springs broken on one side and when asked say "It was like that when I picked it up." REALLY?!? You don't think I'd have noticed my ass was listing at a 20° angle???
- Sleeping with your freshly ex-girlfriend, "for your own good...so you won't get back with her"
- Setting up a hunting trip scheduled to leave at 3am Saturday morning, and instead going out drinking and whoring Friday night, and taking the village bicycle home. (You know the "village bicycle"...everybody's had a ride?) And leaving your hunting partner hanging.
- You don't hear from them for MONTHS at a time, and when you call them they are "oh so busy". Until you get that "Hey buddy, what ya doing this weekend?" call. "No plans, whatcha wanna do?" You ask hopefully... "I was hoping you could help me move(again), could you bring your truck?"
- The "Askhole", who asks for your advice in an area in which you have far greater knowledge than them. Then does the exact opposite of what you told them! Then why did you waste my time???
So yes, I'm prejudiced...and on second thought guess I AM proud, as that is my only one!
Please join me in ostracizing the North American Asshole!!! As they bring out the "beast" in the Beastly Bear.
An irritated Beastly Bear