Thursday, January 23, 2014

My Confession...

Den of the Beastly Bear

Hi Folks!

I have a confession to make, and I'm not proud of it...
Many of you that know me already know, but are too polite to bring it up.

The fact is, I'm prejudiced!

I try not to be, I really do! I know it's not PC (as I am one of the least PC people you will ever meet) and I do try to adhere to conventional social mores. But this prejudice is so ingrained in me I can't keep it from showing!

I do not want to work with them, and I refuse to include them in my social networks. I don't want them moving into my neighborhood, I won't let my kid play with theirs. I don't want my daughter dating one, let alone marrying one! If I see one coming I avoid them at all costs. They should not be allowed to go to school with our children, or eat in our restaurants! I fully believe in segregation, to keep them away from the rest of us.

Is this "Hate Speech"? You bet your ass it is!!!

Oh wait, I didn't explain which "group" of...well I guess "technically" they're people, I so disdain.

It's the North American Asshole!

The problem with Asshole's is that they know they're hated and so most are "in the closet". I have even had friends, some for years...and I never knew they were Assholes! Once I found out, the friendship was over.

How can you identify an Asshole?
While driving it's easy...
On the expressway:
While driving with the cruise set, the Asshole will creep up on your bumper, pass you as if furious you are only driving 10 miles over the speed limit, then once in front of you will slow down. Enough so that you, cruise still set will have to pass them. This then, recharges the Asshole into passing you again. Wash, rinse, repeat.... I have had an Asshole do this to me the full 30 miles of my commute to work!
You can also identify the Asshole by:
  • Driving 20mph BELOW the speed limit in the passing lane.
  • Crossing from the passing lane across ALL lanes to hit their exit at the last possible second.
  • Crawling so far up your ass they can tell what your last meal was, when there are two free lanes in which they could pass you.
  • Assholes recognize each other, and sometimes run in "packs"! You can identify a pack of Assholes as generally they'll be driving 3 abreast, blocking ALL lanes of traffic...and driving under the speed limit.
If you should be so unlucky as to have a "closeted" Asshole as a friend here are but a few identifiers I've found:
  • Borrowing your pickup to haul something, returning it with the springs broken on one side and when asked say "It was like that when I picked it up."           REALLY?!? You don't think I'd have noticed my ass was listing at a 20° angle???
  • Sleeping with your freshly ex-girlfriend, "for your own good...so you won't get back with her"
  • Setting up a hunting trip scheduled to leave at 3am Saturday morning, and instead going out drinking and whoring Friday night, and taking the village bicycle home. (You know the "village bicycle"...everybody's had a ride?) And leaving your hunting partner hanging.
  • You don't hear from them for MONTHS at a time, and when you call them they are "oh so busy". Until you get that "Hey buddy, what ya doing this weekend?" call. "No plans, whatcha wanna do?" You ask hopefully...    "I was hoping you could help me move(again), could you bring your truck?"
  • The "Askhole", who asks for your advice in an area in which you have far greater knowledge than them. Then does the exact opposite of what you told them! Then why did you waste my time???
I know tolerance and acceptance of our differences is supposed to be de rigueur, but I can not conform!!! I will not conform!

So yes, I'm prejudiced...and on second thought guess I AM proud, as that is my only one!

Please join me in ostracizing the North American Asshole!!! As they bring out the "beast" in the Beastly Bear.

Be Well!

An irritated Beastly Bear

14 comments:

  1. Ahaha. I love it daddy. Don't worry I won't marry and asshole:)

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    1. Thank you Baby, you don't know what a relief that is!!! ;-)

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  2. Sounds like you've been driving in New England. lol There's a reason we're called Massholes.

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    1. Massholes?!? Lol, that's pretty good JoJo!

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  3. I'm not prejudice of assholes, I just hate em.

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    1. Me too MA! Hence the reason for my prejudice! Lol
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  4. Those assholes are everywhere and I don't like them either. ♥

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    1. They walk among us Kathy! Avoid them at all costs!!! Lol
      Thanks for the read and share!!! :-)

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  5. I'm with Mis A, I hate 'em too and I weed them out every spring..

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    1. I've broomed a few out of my life over the years myself MiMi!

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  6. As part of my job in sales I drive about 5,000 miles a month. Interstates, back roads in all kinds of weather. This time of year I see the Four Wheel Drive Assholes. ICE! What the hell is that! I have FOUR WHEEL drive DUDE! They drive the posted or above on pavement as slick as snot.

    I wave as I pass them after they go off road and break and axle.

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    1. Good to see you Dave! Thanks for dropping by!!!

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  7. I have a little story for you, Beastly. Years ago when my husband and I were first married (you know who he is), we had met up after work and had gone out for the evening so we had both cars. On our way home, he following me, some jerk flew up on my bumper, swerved, passed me, got in front of me and hit his brakes. I narrowly avoided him. My husband saw this and was livid. So he pulled up beside me, smiled and nodded, and hit the gas. Reading his mind, I hit the gas, too. He caught up with the guy, got in front of him, and slowed down. I pulled up next to my husband and slowed down, boxing the jerk in. We drove about 15mph for about 5 miles down M59 through Highland. We let him go past us before we got to our house, so he couldn't follow us and kill us. When we got out of our cars in our driveway, we whooped and high-fived like crazy! Bet the guy had no idea what he was up against! Thanks for reminding of this, Beastly. KatW

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    1. What a great story Kat!!! Tell that ex husband of yours I said "Hello" when next you talk!!! I can just see you two doing the happy dance in your front yard!!!

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